it realey anoys me wen i go to funrellss wen peple dont switch off threr cell fones it dose thy cud least switch it off for a bit

i woz at a funrell yday a few plele wear leting thr fones ring thy cud easy turn it off for a bit

i neaded to screame an shout abot it

Mommy! 

Happy Mothers' Day. I miss you so much today. The sadness I am feeling lately has even taken over me physically. I find it difficult to eat, sleep, and socialize. I really just wanna break down and cry today but for some reason I just won't let myself. I don't wanna feel helpless and in pain. So I have been trying to escape my emotions with drinking and smoking. I know you wouldn't be happy about this. You must be very…

dose any 1 else go in to a room adn thnk thy hav saw ther lovd 1s siting it the table in the kitchn reding a paper  or go in to th livin room or sea thm watchng tv

or sea thm warking arond th house tht u get uo to go folor thm coz u thng u r gong krazy…

Before life happens and memory fails,

pieces of you here I'll state.

To you, the beauty that bore me life,

I'll never forget, you'll never fade.

- she calls me precious

- she loves Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Pizza and made it our staple celebration treat for birthdays, anniversaries etc.

- she adored Barbara Streisand

- she had a crush on Robert Redford

- her best love advice is: Be with a guy that would treat you like a princess…

I am ready to give up. I miss my family and with mother's day tomorrow, it will be hard on my mom for it will be 2 months since her mom, my grandmother passed away. All I want for mother's day is to be with my kids and my mom. I have not seen my mom in 4 years cause I can't afford to go home and if i even talk about my family I get yelled at. I am in a bad relationship, I thought I was ready but know that I am not for I still miss my husband. But this person I am with is very controlling. I…

I have been depressed all through this process since my daughter, Sara, first was in a coma.  Now that she has passed I haven't been feeling much of anything. I am starting to go into a deep depression and wanting to get out.  I feel darkness looming all of the time.  This just started a few day ago.  Her memorial isn't for another week but I feel I shouldn't feel this depressed as I have gone through all of the stages of mourning in the past 4 months since the coma insued. I thought I was…

On May 4th of this year, it was the 30th anniversary of my dad's passing. I lost him when I was a  rebellious, vulnerable individual, lost somewhere between child and adulthood. He'd been sick with a very aggressive form of cancer. He did not tell me. When I look back now, the signs were there, but he did put on a good front. I can't imagine what his wife went through, knowing this, but not letting on to his kids.

I remember going to my apartment and a neighbor saying that the…

It all started back on March  8, 2009, when my husband passed away and I found him. He and our daughter had just gotten in early that morning from a trip to NY to deliver a travel trailer for work. Our daughter and grand-daughter who was only 1 month and 2 days old were still sleeping. My husband, Gene and I were up talking and spending time together before he had to leave later in the evening for another trip out west. We had talked and loved on each other and then he went out to work on…

this wil be the 1st holiday without my son. it will be 2 month on the14 that he passed away. It has already started to hurt. it will also be 30 yrs since my mom died. i'm always  alone on holidays and it just make i  t worse this yr. I feel like im so alone. None of my family has lost a child an they don't understand the pain that i'm going through. it just doesn't go away over night. my other son isdoing the man thing where they try and be  stong and do not want to talk about…

Mom, I have been reading about life and death. I know that we are supposed to be much more that our bodies, that death means to leave the body and cross to that place, where we see our true selves and are able to understand things much more clearly than we could here on Earth.

 So, I know that you are there, somewhere. But I can't reach you. I can't feel you. I don't know if you hear me when I call you. I'm still in this world and I don't understand. At some point I'll join you, and…

So, I'm a big dreamer. I have dreams almost every night and up until my sister died, I always had pretty normal dreams. Right after my sister died I dreamed about her a lot. Some were good dreams, remembering things from when we were younger. Some were really bad dreams.

The one that I remember so vividly felt more like an 'out-of-body' experience than a dream.

I dreamt that I was in her apartment with her the night that her boyfriend killed her. She was holding my hand and…

It has been already been 4 months since I lost my only child my son at the age of 26. I am finding myself  becoming resentful of them time passing. How can it be 4 months since I hugged my boy, or listened to his laughter. ugh this is such a hard struggle to be here without him. If it wasnt for his son my little grandson who is 6, I dont think I could do this at all.

I am finding myself struggling lately. I'm at a point where i'm stuck and I don'y know what my next move will be because I live in fear most of the time. I am only 19 and living without parents is a constant struggle for me. As i was in 5th grade when my mom died and I witnessed her battle with cancer and her last breath. I was in 8th grade when I lost my dad and it was completely unexpected. I came home from school one day and found him. Since they has been gone I've been through a heck of…

I've been doing a lot of thinking these days.

I think about days past and good times I've shared with people. I think about the pain I've endured over the years- the abuse, the loss. I think about how many missed opportunities there have been in my life. I think about the good things I have now and the things I've lost.

Sometimes, thinking isn't such a good idea for me. Over the last several weeks I've been deep in thought about where I am right now. Emotionally,…

Today,

 I hug my tattoo artist and we both cried alittle. I said this tattoo was a promise that I would began to let go but as I walked out the studio, I realized I still wasn't ready. There's something in me that just can't move on.... March 8th 2013 in Norfolk,VA a very close friend of mine was shot 3 times and left on a kitchen floor to die. Court dates are finally reaching days away and prohibit me to reveal details of that night but that night, I lost apart of myself, security…

So I have never done this blog thing and I have no idea what I am doing. Im not worried about spelling or anything else I just want to get what has been stuck in side out.

I have always had a crazy family tree, I'm just gonna leave at by the time I was 3 my grandparents offically became my parents. My father loved me adored me took care of me, put his happiness on hold to raise me. My mother was there. I am not cold she and I never connected becuase of the pain my bio mom…

In 2 days it wil be 10 months since I lost my son. It is still as hard as it was the day he left us. seems like everyone has forgotten about him. All I can say is I will do everything possible to keep his memory alive no matter how bad the pain is. My family acts like I don't even exist they say if I need to talk for me to call them ya right why should I have to be the one calling i lost my child they did not lose theres. My husband and other boys have been the only ones there. There is so…

Day by day I think of you,

How can all of this be true?

I can't believe you're really gone,

I still can't accept it,

Even after Only a year..

Just the thought of you makes me cry,

I never even got the chance to say goodbye.

Every picture, every t-shirt..

reminds me of

 your familiar scent,

It makes me think of all of the times we've spent.

I know we didn't always get along,



So many things I never got to say,

I

You were my…

Yesterday I dreamt that I was at a house and discovered cigarettes my Mom was hiding and I threw them away.

My Mom had COPD and shouldn't smoke but she never was able to quit. I did find myself discovering cigarettes around the house and throwing them. It's weird that I dream this now she's gone. Maybe it means that I feel I didn't really help her to quit smoking? I think she wanted, deep inside, to quit. But she never could. I never thought of taking her to one of those…

For My Big Brother

You showed me a lot of things,

I learned a lot I didn't know,

But you forgot to teach me one last thing

How to let you go,

I miss being your little sister,

Hearing You say something that would make me laugh for hours,

I wish i could have said i love you and good bye

Before you left us ..

You always meant a lot to me,

I could never love you less,

YOu were my big brother who i thought hung the Moon and is now…