how can I go on, how can I live without you? my beautiful son, the love of my life. I need you so much, I don't want to live with this unbearable pain any more, I cant go on without you in my life.  I pray every night you will come to me, and you don't. I pray to die and im still here. no one hears me , no one sees my pain. my empty heart.i keep asking you to come home, come back to me please shawn. without you I have nothing, I feel nothing. god please take me to my son, my baby. please…

every day it hurts more to breathe, my back is so bad, but the pain in my heart is worse. I could not go see shawn yesterday and felt so bad, I cryed so much. cant sleep any more, im lucky to get a hour. I feel empty, tired and lost. my prayers are not answered  to be with my son. I keep telling my self he will come home, back to me. if I think any different  ill go crazy. why is my baby not coming to my dreams,? why does he not take me to? god I need shawn, without him I have nothing, to…

every day it seems to get harder to go on. shawn would have hated this cold and snowy winter.every night I still ask why, why my son? why not me? and why is he leaving me here to suffer so much. life is not worth going on, and I really don't want to any more.  I want so much to hold my son, kiss his face . I have never bee so tired, never felt pain and emptiness like this before.  at night I can smell him, but still no dreams, no answers. I just want to die, im not afraid, im ready. shawn…

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/os-lk-grief-counselor-diana-young-20150131-story.html

Just wanted to say to everyone, please don't feel nervous or uncomfortable talking to me after reading my blog if you are not religous or or religions clash views. I will only talk about you, your feelings and what you are going through. I promise I'm not going to be "preachy" or anything like that, I'll just ne a good friend e=with an open ear and open heart. Love to everyone and hope everyone is making it through the day alright. :)

If it was off putting to anyone I do…

I would like to say to everyone first that I am not here to change your mind or try and brainwash you or something to that effect. So, if you can have an open mind for just a few minutes and keep reading, I promise at the end it will be your choice to believe or not to believe.

Please bear with me if I stumble or am repetative, I don't mean to and it doesn't mean I don't know what I'm saying, it's just that I don't know how to say some of the things I want. My husband was the preacher…

the snow is over my knees here , but nothing will stop me from seeing my son each and everyday, I clean the stone off, and cry whats left  of my heart out. I want so much to scream, why are you not coming to my dreams, why? I break down so much, I cant remember being happy any more, just emptiness, I feel nothing but pain. why wont he answer me, to take me to him,  im so tired I want to go, I want to hold my baby, to laugh to smile with my shawn. how much longer will he make me suffer?  why…

I wasn’t going to post this, but then someone I love sort of convinced me.

So here it goes.

Today I woke up at 5:20am.

Today, my mother left her physical body here on Earth at 5:20am.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. That we as humans are spiritual beings, made up of energy. That we never truly die. Frankly, I believe there is no such thing as dying, because our souls live on in many ways.

I have always noticed that death is an…

today my sister came by to drop off some cake, to celebrate shes cancer free, I could not say anything because I just stopped careing. I wish it was me, I wish I was dieing, that would make me happy, knowing I would see my shawn again. I could hold him so tight. I would hear  MOM again, the most beautiful word in the world , its so hard to breath, to sleep to go on. my tears still fall all the time, to feel so alone and to feel no one cares anymore.its just not worth going through life…

I am not looking for judgement here. Please do not hurt me any further by judging what we did is right or wrong. I have already gotten my karma when he make the decision to give us up but it's the reason that I am not able to accept and move on..

J and I met and fall in love at our previous workplace. J is married for 7 years with 2 kids when we know each other. Like any other affair, J told me he's not happy with his marriage. He had no more feelings for his wife and that things at…

There are nights that I dream about the funeral, about how bitter cold and wet it was, from the rain. I replay it all over again, about how unwilling I was to leave. About how unable I was to accept that he was already gone, and just his body remained. But I refused, absolutely refused, to think of him in the ground. As cold as it was, I just couldn't imagine him there. 

There are days that I wake up from those dreams, and I just cry. I never knew I was capable of so many…

Thank you so much for your support. I was a little apprehensive about this site because I dealt with my loss on my own. I never really had anybody to turn to. I see now that people on this site are very supportive and I thank you all for all of your support.

I miss my boyfriend. It's been a little over three years since his accident and it still feels like yesterday. I loved him so much and I know he loved me. It's hard everyday without him. I'm 17 now and I was 14 when I lost him. At that time my parents didn't think I really loved him because I was so young but when he died I totally shut down. I stayed in my room day in and day out, I barely ate, and I didn't really talk to anyone. My parents started to realize that I did truly love him and…

my heart is so very heavy, so filled with pain. I miss shawn so much it hurts bad. my tears still fall so much, everyday. to go on is so imposible, im so filled with hate, to see people go on, so happy, laughing. there are times I just want to slap them, slap that smile off there face. scream for my son to come home, not to leave me. to pray for shawn to come get me, I want nothing more than to go with him. I hate living, I just hate. I beg  shawn please help me, im getting no answer.my only…

everyday it seems to hurt more to breathe, I miss shawn so very much, I still wait for him to come home, when the phone rings I pray its him. I know my baby will never leave me, but we have never been apart this long. my heart hurts so bad. I ask why he took my only child, why not me. I wait for signs, I know I have had some but I want so much more.  I hear people and family saying MOM, and I cry so hard wishing I could hear it to. I just want to be with him, hold him, hear him say I love…