Last night after I wrote my initial entry, I sat here and stared at the screen wondering when this was supposed to start helping me. I chatted with a couple of other members who were very nice and welcoming and then I just felt exhausted. I decided to drag my rump to bed hoping that I would finally sleep through an entire night as dog tired as I was. And then my mom called my cell phone. She asked if I wanted a present. Confused, I asked her what she was talking about. She said she was…

So, I am a new member to a site I had never dreamed I'd want to be a part of. And quite frankly, in this very moment I still do not wish to be a part of this community. Yet, here I am. I am only one of countless people shuffling through their day, overcome by grief and heartache.

My story starts when my older brother, Craig, retired from the Marine Corps in 2011. He had put in a full twenty years and was looking forward to the start of his next chapter: civilian life. Where,…

How would you like a FREE copy of the audio version of "I Miss My Daddy"? For a limited time I am offering the next 5 folks who have already read the book or e-book a copy of the audio absolutely FREE. You can use your free copy to share with a friend in need of comforting or keep for yourself whenever you need to be reminded that you aren't alone in your own grief. 



All you need to do is kindly follow the link below and add your review…

today july 28 at 4 in the morning  for the first time in almost 9 months, I heard my son,  as clear as if he were standing here he called me  MOM  I had been up since 1 a m I just could not sleep,  I went out front to sit on the veranda, it was raining hard and I just talked to shawn, begging him to talk to me in my dreams and crying hard.  my pills were not working but by 4 they started, I went back to bed and just started to drift when I heard him  say   MOM. I wanted so bad to  go with…

Just cried for over 2 hours, that type of cry I call an "ugly, howling" type of cry. I wish I had someone to sit with me when I cry like that. Don't have to say anything, do anything, just be with me. Being alone and crying like that makes it feel so much worse. When will the pain go away???

to my shawn,  a beautiful son.  shawn you are my world, you went away and my world  went with you,the light in my eyes went out, my dreams are gone, I need your help so bad, I don't dream any more, and I need to so bad to dream of you, to hear your voice, see your face your smile your laughter. ill never do any till im with you again. my heart is your heart forever. help me shawn I need you so much take my hand baby please, loving you forever mom  

Every day I struggle to live in a world without you...this loss of you has been the single most crushing blow I have ever endured. I find now I am not searching for answers or why...answers are a poor substitute for a daughter. My physical presence craves a hug...your voice...your smile. The world around me carries on, but the emptiness of a world without you, with all it's attendant sorrows and unanswered questions, engulfs the life I once knew. EVERYTHING...changes...

I feel completely…

Today I had another one of my weekly cookouts - luckily the weather was nice.  Lots of Michael's friends came over and we chatted and talked.  I teared up a few times but for the most part I stayed upbeat and content. 

I remember seeing one of Michael's good friend at a restaurant a week ago on Saturday.  When he caught my eye he came right over and gave me a big hug and said, "I miss him so much".  I began to cry and he tried to comfort me.  I asked him to come to the cook out at…

Today as I read from "Healing After Loss" I was struck by how familiar the words were to me.  It talked about the emotional roller coaster of grief and how one minute your fine, the next, a flood of tears.  I am very much in that place of teetering between being strong in mind to falling apart.  It's not fun for my loved ones to watch this part of the grief journey yet I can't change it.

According to "Healing After Loss", we're not suppose to change it; this is what happens.  I just…

Last week I cleaned our garage. It was pretty bad. I hadn't touched anything in there for 4 years. That was the time we put most of Bens personal things in the garage that his roommate, and buddies brought to us. We had it all at the farm, and brought it to our house in town 4yrs ago. I guess my feelings are that you don't have to get rid of anything until your ready. I have things that I have had since Lil Del died. I will never part with those things, and that's OK! I knew I had to move…

I read today's meditation from "Healing after Loss" about dreams and how we often wish to dream about our loved ones as a way of staying near and in touch.  Martha Whitmore Hickman shares a dream she had about her daughter, who died from injuries due to a fall.  In the dream her daughter was on a stretcher being carried by two men who brought her up to where Martha was waiting.  Told she was told her daughter was going to be okay.  Below Martha was her family looking up and waiting for her…

IS IT OK 2 BE SO MAD AT GOD

IS IT OK 2 FEAL LK SCREAMIN AT GOD

IS IT OK IF U SEA GOD U WILL WORY U MITE END UP SWEARNG AT HIM OR HER GOD OR SAY THNGS U WILL REGRET SAYNG

I WORRY IF I SEA GOD I…

Special Day!

The Earth and Moon came out to celebrate your special day no else could say the same. Looks like they also enjoy the hockey game, I look forward to chocolate cake.

Balloons decorate the universe, angels will sing a birthday verse, as soon as the game is over don't you curse! In our afterlife we are two damn happy…

"Healing After Loss" gives an interesting perspective on the unknown. It is far better to accept that our understanding of beyond life is limited.  Relish in the stories told of faith and intuition and most importantly.......wait and see for yourself!! Why try to have all the answers.  Don't stand so close for you will only learn a very small piece about life and what God has in store for us.  Step back and accept that though our questions are unanswerable, the real question is one of…

everyday is more and more pain, life will never be the same. oh how I miss shawn, with all my heart. I need so bad to hear him call me, mom im here, mom I love you. mom ill never leave you. his beautiful brown eyes and that perfect smile. my life now is hell I know that now. around his memory garden there are butterflys, yellow ones. I can smell him in his clothes, I want so bad to feel him again, to laugh with him. this pain is like no  other. I miss you shawn, I need you and love you…

For those who are struck with the loss of a loved one, our suffering can be immensely difficult.  "Healing After Loss" states that in order to get to a new beginning, we must walk through the center of our suffering.

Oh how easy it would be to go around it, avoid it altogether or numb ourselves from it.  The truth is we need to feel and experience the pressure of grief.  No one is expected to stay in it 24 hours a day - take time out to breathe.  Our situation becomes a balancing act…

i am sad hug me ?…

What a surprise - this change from living in the valley of despair to a land of potential opportunity.  Yes it's true and according the "Healing After Loss" the shift is subtle yet noticeable.  For instead of looking toward the day with sorrow and heart ache, we notice our mind is awakened to a new way thinking.  We are actually feeling happy and content more often than not. 

Without knowing the exact time it happened, we are just realizing that something is good is going on.  For…

Today I went to the beach with three of my long time friends (over 40 years).  I started out crying but as the day went on, I listened to their stories of various struggles.  I began to see that they all turned to God for assistance.  One had a brain tumor, one had breast cancer and the other had problems with her only son.  Each one said that they turned their woes and worries over to God, but not before thanking him for all the wonderful things they had going right in their life.  Each one…