Death is a monster,

Death is pain,

Death is frustration,

Death is horror. 

I believe that the main reason why I cannot move on from my grandmothers death is because I do not understand what is death. To me, this event is so complex and surreal that I cannot cognitively understand it...

To me, things must have a logic in order to believe in it, and death is one of those ideas that I cannot find the logic on, neither the explanation- of why it…

I just don't know what's wrong with me today. Actually all week. Can't seem to focus, stay on task or stay awake. My eyes don't want to stay open, and my mind don't want to shut off. This is were the confusion and frustration seep in. I live every day coping and using my skills. I just wish for a day off. Just one day off from being me. My life wears me out. I watch all the Catholics go to church every Saturday night, and Sunday morning. I cant remember what it's like being part of it all. I…

a post said to have family help they did not read the post my family could care less. to they don't contact me I have to contact them? it makes me feel what the heck i'm ihere for. at1stmy other son would call me now he barely speaks to me.i email or call andl eave messages and I hear no anser or i'm having a bad week just email and then he does not reply to them. I just don't know how much more of this ican take. I just want to leave and  not let anyone know where I am they would not care…

So because I have decided to speak up and I am tired of keeping this pain inside, I have decided to write until I feel no pain.

Yesterday, after I finished writing my first blog, I realized that I should have done this long ago. However, I think that the reason why I didn't do it before was because I was scared of facing the true.

But now is different. Is like someone- or something deep in my heart is yelling me that I must to move on-

You know, I went to many therapist…

I feelng so bad right now my life feels like it did when my parents died a yr and 10 days apart and my birthday in the middle of that. Hate August. And now my oldest son has died 3/14/2013 I feel that i'm all alone. its like when my parents died my sister took everthing and we have not had a family dinner since then much less talk to each other. I have to call them if I need help. then after my separation in 1999 my ex told my sons a bunch of lies before he told me he wanted a divorce. it…

dont u just get so anoyd at our pc wen thy feze crash on hear or wen we on chat or dong a blog or so on

A few years back I lost the love of my life, my grandmother.

When I knew that she was sick and that she was going to die, I decided not to think about it, and ignore everything about her situation. The word "denial" became my name's synonym.

My grandmother and I were so close that I cannot even described it... She basically raised me, and my whole life was around her wellbeing.  She always said that me and my cousin were her favorite grandchildren, and we developed a special…

help me please

im 17. i lost my twin brother 4 years ago. i loved him so much.

i feel like somebody pulled the ground out from underneath my feet.

i know theres so much to smile for, and i try to be the best person i can be, to stay positive and work hard and help others. 

but im sick to my stomach with this pain. sometimes i hold my breath so i dont feel as bad even if just for a moment. i feel like i could weep into oblivion, like if i started crying i might…

When I was a little girl,

I thought I could climb the tallest mountain

And grasp the whole world.

As I got older and learned more,

I realized that some doors would close,

But that didn’t mean I’d be forever banned to soar.

Somewhere in the middle of then and now,

I lost myself to personal strife,

And almost took my final bow.

Luckily I regained faith and relearned what it meant to live,

Because I had almost lost sight of…

Today is such a hard day. I am going along and BAM I can't believe he is gone. His girlfriend came by yesterday and showed me a video she had made about 4 days before he died. It was a funny video called "My boyfriend does my make-up".  It shows him so happy with her and his funny lovable self. It was both wonderful to see and of course a heartbreaking reminder of the beautiful person who is no longer here to laugh with. He was such a beautiful boy and how I miss holding those hands.  I love…

Not looking forward to to august mom died aug 12,82 dad died aug 24,82 and my birthday is aug 15. ialways wish the month away. but this yr even harder because on the 14will be 5 months since my son died.

just thngng a few yrs ago wen my dad woz still hear thr woz a lotof swearng tht mush in th famly we desisd to hav a swear box so if we we saed a swer word we had to put mony in in it it got full prty fst but it still dnt cure our swerang u wud thnk on my dad sid of th famly we had ths swerng dese

wear we cnt hlp it but use a few swer words i no we cn al swear wen we hrt our slfs or wors

Weighing heavy on my mind day and night. What a useless worry that has become my biggest fear. In an instant it became my new companion. Will it's nagging go away or only get worse? Now more than ever it is important to live for the day, for the moment.

"Stay focused".

"Don't live your life with regrets".

What a day. I'm trying to get some help with my weight and my arthritis. I get such terrible debilitating migraine headaches. I know my being top heavy is causing part of the problem. I don't understand why I have to be the one to figure out what's wrong with me. I go the doctor, and instead of helping figure out why i'm having them in the first place, all he did was complain about how much medicine it takes to get rid of them. I figured out that my weight, and being so top heavy pulls on my…

I have had a rollercoaster of a week. I got scolded by a doctor because of a serious migrain instead of trying to find out why I have them in the first place. Then all the noise from the fireworks, and the people everywhere. Most of all the holiday itself. My kids loved the 4th of july. 2 weeks before the 4th, my kids would be the most helpful. They knew if they worked hard and did their chores and then some, that I would buy them each their own fireworks. They used to love blowing up cow…

Before Mom passed away I never really had a reason to think much about what happens after death or if there is a God. I was raised a catholic, but haven't been to church in years. I pray to God every day since Mom passed.

Now, the thing is that I'm not sure whether there's a God out there or not. Or if there is something more than life in this Earth. I do feel Mom, or have felt her a couple of times. But that could be me fooling myself. I can't be sure.

Even if there wasn't a…

i had a very strange dream it woz to weid i dremt i went bac in tim well i woz look at a foto in a dream tht i got took bac to yrs ago

wear evry 1 woz still a liv thy wear but thy wear all yong again evn th 1s it woz old wear lokng yong 

it woz all sistng at th tabel eating dringing in thiss rstront we wear i cant rember any of s bean in a restront coz evry 1 woz geting on…