So sorry about your loss. You are so right about the insane reason why. Still we cannot be in another's mind. My sister was murdered and when the murderer was contacted by the police he killed himself. He thought he had a week before the murder would be known. He left a suicide note that told his family what to do with his stuff even his bloody TV set but not where my sisters body was. The inquest was a joke as the judge was a friend of his while he was alive. Eventually a avid cold case detective took up the case a held him responsible. The murder of a loved one take every last shred of innocence you have left in your soul. I find I'm consumed with either grief or hate. Or at times both. You are doing the right thing in getting in contact with those of us that have been through it. Be aware that people will want to hear all the details. I used to get really cranky with them but eventually I realised it's just human nature. You are part of a exclusive club now that all its members wish they weren't in, this all the more reason to support each other. Take. Ross