It is so hard to begin. Grief it seems is taking over my life. I have been holding my breath unconsciously for four years now. I don't want to give in to the grief for fear if I do it will all be true and I will disappear. Four years ago my younger sister died quite suddenly. She was 10 years younger then me, and we were estranged 14 months at the time, for a misunderstanding that never got resolved. I had therapy and was making some progress when my mother died two years later. Eight months…