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Comment by dream moon JO B on February 2, 2015 at 4:23pm

yea karen t it least on hear i can grief at my own speed wish is getng very slow evry loss i get now slows me a lot 

i lost my dad in 2012 but loss non stop im 2 friten 2 loook fored 2 20015 i no its 2015 now but im scaredd of mre loss dnt no if its coz i had a loss in 2012 thn 2013 thn 2014 

i no it sonds bad me sayng i cud grab god scream why or evn slap god i never usd 2 be ths person i am now

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 2, 2015 at 12:06pm

Hey Jeni, so very sorry for your loss, and as Karen says unfortunately we are all going through the same thing, even though it's different.  I feel so lost too, so empty and sad.  I lost my beautiful 18 year old son 3 months ago and it seems like the days are getting harder.  But I get up, I go to work, I make it through but the pain is still there.  I pray that someday it doesn't hurt this much but I can't comprehend when that would be. It helps us to be able to talk to our "family" on here and be able to express how we feel with nobody judging us, or ignoring our pain, 'cus they don't know what to say.  I found a pic of my son this morning from him being happy last April and I can't believe he's not here.  It hurts so damn much, I just want to crawl in a hole and cry. 

Strength and hugs to all of us.

Comment by Karen T. on February 2, 2015 at 8:53am

Jeni,

I am so sorry for your loss. The good thing about this website is that in some way we are all going through the same thing, even if the specifics of the circumstances are different. We all (maybe over-reaching to say all, but I know I am) feel so lost without our loved one. Sometimes it just feels so hard to get out of the bed in the morning that you have to consiously force yourself and it can be so hard, especially on certain days. But we do have to find someone or something that helps force us to do it and hopefu;;y one day it will get easier. My thgouhts and prayers are with you and everyone on the site- we all need at least that level of support. And if you have to do what I do somedays and start the morning by saying life sucks- then go right ahead. We have all been through so much and it just seems so unfair. Eventually, hopefully, it will start getting further apart for the days we wake up and say life sucks. Til then we are here for each other.

Comment by Jeni on February 2, 2015 at 7:39am

Hi my name is Jeni and I am new to this group so feeling a little overwhelmed. I an relate to what is being written even though my loss is very recent.I lost my partner of over 2 years on the 18 Jan this year so for me the feeling of loss is very new, very deep and very intense. Col was my soulmate from the moment I first saw him we connected and my life since meeting him has been incredible. On Sunday 11 Jan he had 2 siezures at home the first he managed to cone around and after a visit to the A and E at the hospital he was sent home even though I pleaded with them not to. At 4.30 that afternoon he had a second seizure and after doing CPR the paramedics managed to obtain a heartbeat but he passed away on the 18th. For me he died in my arms on the 11th and since then my life has been a blur of pain, disbelief, loss, blame, guilt and at times just feeling like I want to give up because it is all to hard. Col is, was and will always be a well known artist and the streaming in of messages has been overwhelming and I am lost, I feel alone, very tearful all the time and find coping minute to minute very difficult. For me I cant see how I ca move through this.....I am truly lost

Comment by Jill E on February 1, 2015 at 2:55pm

I relate so much to all of you here. The words many of you say are exactly the way I feel. I lost my 33 year old son almost 2 months ago from alcoholism which I had no idea whatsoever he was suffering from. I still have question as to how my daughter-in-law could not have seen it. In the hospital on Monday passed away on Sunday.

Comment by Karen T. on January 31, 2015 at 6:06pm

I don't really have that support system. Imean I have my family (both mine and my in-laws) who are great and very helpful to get things done around the house and anything I need- I just don't really feel like talking to people face to face about what I'm going through, That's why I haven't been back to my church except for once since losing my husband. I know they mean well, but there is just something about being surrounded by everybpdy who knows and are trying to help but it just makes me uncomfortable and smothered I just feel like I can't take that yet. So that is why I am so happy that I have found this site- I can express myself and what I am going through and feeling to people who understand but I don't have the face to face interactions that are so uncomfortable for me. Thank you all for all of your support and encouragement through this trying time. Ny heart also goes out to all of you as well.

Comment by Lynn Boyd on January 30, 2015 at 7:17pm

Kc, excellent post! All important truths. May I add that as bad as you feel the first few months, you will not always feel that bad. I didn't believe that in the beginning, either. I thought my life was over as well. My Grief Work was finding support, as we had just moved to a new town 2 years and I didn't know ANYBODY. And all my family lives far away in other states. I got hooked up with a Hospice and Bereavement Center. Although I didn't use the services of hospice (he died too fast!) I was welcomed into the Bereavement groups and classes. It has been a lifesaver for me. These people really care, and everything is free (they operate on donations and fundraisers). I also found myself wanting to re-connect with God, and I found a terrific church where I've made myself new "family". It took a long time before I realized there was no answer to the question, WHY???? Why HIM???? He was gone too soon, we had so much left to do and after 27 years we still adored each other. As I write this, I've been a widow a Year and a Day. I've got a lot more work to do. And this is a great place to come and discover that we are NOT alone, and with mutual support we can get through these dark times. Peace to you all. *namaste*

Comment by Kc on January 30, 2015 at 4:36pm

It will be a year this Feb I lost my girlfriend to overdose. I'm hear to share tools and tips that assisted me on the Grief Work. Have hope and know you will get thru this.Understanding the stages of grief will guide you.
Shame, anger and guilt are normal emotion we go thru. Letting go of these 3 things from my mind,"What if?" "If only..." and "Why Me?" I had to let go Asking "Why" as it wasn't helping me heal. I instead ask myself "What can I do about it now?" "How can I help?" or "How do I pick up the pieces and go on living as meaningful as possible?" The more I allowed myself to cry write letters to the person you lost the better you will feel. Try not to avoid your emotions. I encourage you to share this with loved ones and talk about your feelings.Staying a routine of self care makes it easier to transition to feeling more positive. Get rest avoid alcohol or anything that will trigger negative thoughts. Find outlets that bring you joy, exercise, nature, creative activities. Music was my go to. It assisted me with feelings.I tried to block and just move on but didn't work.Theres no shortcuts with grief. I had to let myself cry which is a relief for you. As they say "Through is the only way out.Some days felt better then others. Whether it's sudden and suicide seemed accidental or not, We need to talk about the suicide. The truth is we cannot heal, or help others heal, until we start talking about suicide. You have to realized it's not your responsibility for fixing others or there choices. You can offer support, but you can't get better for a suicidal person. He or she has to make a personal commitment to recovery. We can't be someones savior. This is very hard life lesson. It's about Letting go. We are eternal beings. My belief is the spirit lives on. I continue to grow and heal by doing my inner work to heal and accept that this person was a blessing for a certain time in my life. It helped me grow and achieve a better appreciation of my own mortality. We are here to live love and have many lessons. Look inside yourself and love yourself. Do what brings you happiness. Accepting the loss comes relief of knowing you did the best you could. Learn what made you a match and to connect to your loved one. Learn to give that love to yourself. Shine a light on the happy memories that you shared with your loved one. Talk to them! Express your emotions on paper out loud in your special place.They will always be a part you that you can embrace and honor.Letting go of the past and self blame is what allowed be to heal this grief. It takes time be patient with yourself. I recommend Dr Hibberts "This is How we Grow" it helped me a lot.Live in the present as much as possible. Helping others even if its something small will put you in a place of gratitude.We are here to learn many life lessons.You will begin to have more and more happiness as let go of the negative thoughts and beliefs surrounding your loss. God Bless

Comment by Lynn Boyd on January 30, 2015 at 10:00am

Thank you Anne....yes, the video REALLY wiped me out, I guess I've watched it a kakazillion times already. Then I cry, then I feel a little better. It's cathartic and healing. I have to let go the awfulness of how he left (he died of the flu 3 weeks after our 25th anniversary), and this helps me get back to remembering the good times. The friend that made it for me did such a wonderful job...and I've only known her for a few months, she never knew him in Life. She spent the day with me yesterday, too, the one-year mark. She's one of my angels here on Earth. And Alan is one of my angels in Heaven. I feel very blessed. I am grateful for the time I had with him. None of us is promised a tomorrow, so let's cherish the past, LIVE in the present, and lust for the future. You say you don't know why tragedy is built into our lives, but it makes me remember a line from the HBO show Six Feet Under: Why do people have to die? To make life important. Blessings and hugs to every one of you.

Comment by Karen T. on January 29, 2015 at 2:26pm

Thanks Lynn. I feel silently and internally insane, but again I can't show any kind of being out of control and nuts because of my son. I have to be strong for him. Some days are a little easier than others (I have to live moment to moment right now) but even if I have to force the strength I will to help him through this and feel ok. He is my only anchor, without him I truly would be lost. Throughts and Prayers are with you. :)

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