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Comment by Karen T. on February 15, 2015 at 6:32pm

Felicia,

I am so sorry or your experience. I can't imagine what you are going through. Losing our loved ones is hard enough without any family animosity in the way. Keep trying to be the connection si they can soeak to you even if they don't want to speak to each other. Hopefully, eventually everything will cool down and smarter heads will prevail. Let me leave you with this, even though it's something that I'm having a hard time with but still know it's true, God will not put more on you than you can  handle.

Comment by Felicia Evans on February 15, 2015 at 7:52am

My nephew passed away suddenly last year the day after Thanksgiving 2014. He left 3 older children (ages 19, 21, 24) from his first marriage and 3 children (ages 5-10) from his second marriage. The problem is his second wife is trying to keep the kids apart. I can't imagine what they are all going through. My sister, their grandmother is ignoring the kids from the first marriage and they are very hurt by it. I'm just the aunt, but I have been trying to be there for my older nieces. The problem is I am grieving because their father (my nephew) and I were really close. I was only 5 when he was born so we grew up together. Every time I see the kids, I get really sad and sometimes depressed. I still want to see them and be there for for them but they remind me of their dad and it hurts so much. What can I do so I can continue to be there for the kids without getting so depressed? Also, a few members of our family are feuding especially my husband and my sister's husband who is the Step grandfather who is verbally abusive to my sister and the kids. The step grandfather is wreaking havoc on the whole family. This past Christmas was the first Christmas without the kids dad. The step grandfather and my sister had the family dinner at their house but wouldn't let the older kids attend or my husband. So some of us were separated from the family. Any advice on how to stay neutral and resist the urgh to throat punch the step grandfather who was also physically and verbally abusive to my nephew who passed away? The step grandfather has been upsetting our family for over 20 years but none of us will stand up to him. So much so that my sister had our mother raise her 2 sons (including the one that passed away). This feud is tearing our family apart. the step grandfather is demanding an apology from my husband and the one of the older kids but they won't apologize because they don't think they did anything wrong. The step grandfather said they disrespected him at the funeral. I just want everyone to kiss or shake hands and get along. The older kids are upset at my sister, their grandmother, because of the way she's been treating and still treats them, so they told me they will only call her by her first name. They don't consider her their grandmother anymore. I love my sister and she is a minister but what she is doing is wrong. She doesn't agree with everything her husband does and says but she won't speak up either. She is afraid to lose him. She chose her husband over her kids once. Now history is repeating itself with some of her grandchildren. What if anything should I do? I know my sister is grieving too. So I don't want to add to her stress either. Help!

Comment by Felicia Evans on February 15, 2015 at 6:59am

I am learning so much from everyone. I felt like I was all alone. No one could understand how I felt.

Comment by Lynn Boyd on February 14, 2015 at 7:24pm

Karen T, you are doing fine.  It took me a year, but believe it or not I had a 2nd date with an old friend today, Valentine's Day.....someone I hadn't seen in 20 years. I'm so glad I got reconnected to him, and I'm finding myself attracted to him. And the feelings are mutual.  He knew my husband, and they got along great back in the day.  Don't feel bad about thinking about other men.  It's natural.  It took me a year.  You're at the 4 month mark. Some women take many years.  I've learned from my grief support groups and the books I've read that everyone has a different timetable for mourning.  You will always, ALWAYS love your husband, so will I. We will never forget them.  But just in the last two weeks I've felt myself coming back, to join the living world.  It's okay. If we have learned anything from this awful journey is Life Is Short...and we owe it to ourselves to live our own lives to the fullest for whatever time we have left.  I didn't think it would ever be possible, but I'm beginning to discover happiness again.  I wish Every Happiness for you as well.  *tink*

Comment by Joanne on February 14, 2015 at 7:15pm

I don't come on this site a lot. I just came on in today after not being here in a long time. I am normally upbeat and happy. I have a very active life with my crafts,church,school plays/concerts and Bingo, My nephew moved=in my house a couple of months ago and he is in process of divorce. He also has a 14 and 12 year old daughter that come from Friday to Sunday. My husband was my entire life and we did not make friends. So loneliness,plus the weather being bad has made me feel like crap. In addition to this ,I lost my dad on Christmas day 2010,my mom on 2 February 2008 and my husband on 26 February 2014. So,this has been a rough couple of months,But I will get thru this. 

Comment by Joseph G. Bartlett on February 14, 2015 at 6:43pm

Joanne I am very sorry for you loss My wife and soulmate of 26 yrs  past away  quickly like a light switch one min here  next min gone   from hypertrophic cardiomyopathy it kills all though with it  before the age of 45  she was 41   it's the same thing that kills children in school playing sports   she left me  to finish raising our five children  this was in 2012 Sept  16  on her mother's Birthday   to  and 14 months later  her mom past away from the same thing  at  65 yrs  so  it has been a very  hardening situation to have to learn to  live with while learning to do with out  see your lucky to have family support  which I don't  because  me and Lesley were only children   so nobody  was in my support  group   but I can only tell you  it will get easier it's been almost three yrs  and weird as it is   things aren't better  but easier  day by day   we/I do have my up's & down's  and my tearful moments  but there  better now  I'll never  stop missing here   but she like yours  will live through us  and we have to come to that  comfortable stage in out sorrows to be okay with it  you'll do better as time goes by that's all I can tell you  try not to  dwell within these types of site  as if you look back in my personal past with this  site  I was having major problems until I  found better outlets  my advice to you is the same thing  don't put all your eggs in one basket it'll make you  dependent on something  try to be your own self  with out relying  to much of others I only say that  because even those that  help some times make it harder with out knowing it   we see them  with their others and  with out knowing it  pulls that trigger  and makes it harder  to cope  I think I'm starting to ramble so enough for now  I'm here for you  and  yes I  DO  check back when ever  I see a comment or a response  unlike other here  take care  god bless  

Comment by Joanne on February 14, 2015 at 3:16pm

This month has been so hard for me. I thought  was doing so well,after my husband died a year ago. Don't get me wrong, it was extremely difficult and unexpected. He just went to bed one night and died,at the age of 72. He died of myocardial infraction. There was no warning of any kind. I had a ton of decisions that had to be made. I had my daughter here from MN for almost a month. I had my 9 year old granddaughter here for a month and a half,went to school plays/ concerts,church activities and Bingo. I took my granddaughter back to MN and stayed for five weeks,so I could further make decisions about my life. We didn't have a will or anything set up. We were so unprepared. We had gotten married late in life,I was 25 and he was 34. We had children late in life,our children were 28 and 25 at the time of his death and they do not live close by. I am the eldest of 6 children and 4 of us live close by. So,I have a very supportive family and church family. They all think, I am doing great and perhaps I am. However,since Christmas,I

have been very emotional and lonely. I should tell you my father died Christmas day-4 years ago. I have tried moving on and making friends,I really don't have any. I made up my mind to start going to the local senior centers in January. However,that has not been possible due to snow and the severe cold. Then came the month of February, my mother died the 2nd of February-7 years ago. On the 3rd of February,my 18 year old niece had to have back surgery due to a sports injury and on the 7th of February-my sister-in-law fell and broke her ankle. On the 26th of February, is my husband's one year anniversary from his death. Although,I am not crying everyday, I feel like God has taken the people I was closest to and said you have to stay "I still have work for you to do." I miss my parents and my husband more than anyone will know. My husband was everything to me,my lover and my best friend. I will always feel the void of his absence. However,I want to be the happy, fun loving person that I used to be. I would like to make friends and try to enjoy the rest of my life, I'm only 64. Thank you for letting me vent.

Comment by Karen T. on February 14, 2015 at 2:16pm

I am having such a difficult time right now. I just feel this internal battle- on one side I love and miss my husband and want nothing more than to have him back. on the other hand, I am feeling attractions to other men as I walk past them. It's only been 4 months. No way that is long enough- it just has to be an automatic physical response right? God- I feel like I am actually going to be ripped in two!

Comment by Karen T. on February 8, 2015 at 7:38pm

Thank you so much. I do try to at teast pretend ti be happy and put toghether while he can see. I even tell him we are just going forhis 9yr check up, nothing soecial, so iII;m trying to grt somehwere that will do it s onHe is defintetly my strength while I'm awake and my hushband is mine at night while I sleep. I can still feel him. :) Everyone hsbe hh night and we'll talk more tomorrow. :P

Comment by Lynn Boyd on February 8, 2015 at 5:24pm

Just when you think it can't get any worse....bam, life hits you with another challenge. Progress in bereavement comes and goes, comes and goes again. Life does suck....but it's not a constant vacuum. Let your son's health be your priority right now. I am definately sending prayers your way, for both of you. Hopefully, if he does have a defect it may be corrected, he's still young. Please, do not lose hope...your son needs you in good shape to take care of him. I'm just glad I've been able to help you along in this journey....it has helped me, too. I've been copying all my long posts in this community, and maybe, just maybe I can write a book myself about getting through profound loss and grief. I've always wanted to be a writer. I might just be finally finding the new Me. Loss changes us in many ways. Learning how to cope and carry on is the hardest thing any of us will ever do. There is strength in numbers. We have many friends here. Hope you find the strength you will need for your son. ****really, REALLY big hugs****

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