I could go on and on about how much I miss him or about how I feel like I'm standing still in that day and the rest of the world is moving on or that i sleep with something of his so I can smell him or that I wake up every morning crying because he is not here or how I cry out to him to talk to me, tell you love me and that you are ok or how I feel like I've been thrown into my own nightmare and please wake me up because I don't want to do this anymore. Is this my reality now? All of this is exhausting. Living this way is hard. I know I will never stop crying for him and I will never be truly happy. I will never be that person. Out of my love for him, I will pick myself up and do something. He was so full of life and wasn't ready for that to end. But it did. I know he wouldn't want me to this miserable. So will do something for both of our souls. I want to help other people so I think I will check into voluteering. I feel that something good should come out of his death to honor his living. I love him enough to live the life that he can't. He was a beautiful man with a beautiful soul. The sadness will always be there because of the way he was ripped from my life. I didn't get to say goodbye. So I will get through this for him and for me.