Jeni, your loss really just happened. You are still in shock. The first few months after my wife died. I would only sleep maybe a hour at night. I nearly fell asleep while driving one day. Scared me. So I went to the Doctor. He gave me some sleeping pills. They did work. So I was able to rest and fuction. Do what I had to do. Jeni, I would like to encourage you to take care of yourself. Realize that you are wounded right now. Just try and get through each day. Don't be afread to ask for help. The feeling of being lost and alone are natural. Its also natural to feel guilt. Blame yourself for what you did or did not do. I know I do. With both my wife and mother. I also know however. That neither one of them. Feel any thing but love for me. Would never blame me for anything. I am certain that your soulmate doesn't blame you either. I am so very sorry that this awful thing has happened to you. This is a good place to find others that have suffered terriable loss. Understand the pain that comes with our kind of grief. I will keep you in my prayers.