Hi all. I was just wondering if there is any other Gay Men Widows on this support Group. The death of my partner Gareth has almost been 3 years June this year. I’m still grieving. The grieve the 1st year was me just sad depressed lonely I had a friend stay with me the first two weeks after the funeral I really needed that. But then when he left to go home the reality sets in evan more the years daily and nightly the stages of grieve the guilt,Anger all off the stages come flooding in. Know one tells you how to cope with such a loss. Year went by with me just existing really. Gareth has 4 children from another relationship long time ago. So I focused on them fir almost a year plus I travelled back and fourth to Jamaica 3 -4 times somewhere we both went. It took my mind of the grieve. However I have found now after almost 3 years I was just running away from the truth the grieve. I do say to people I was still grieving but I needed go through this my way. The anniversary’s come and go quickly. I noticed I drank a lot more 3-4 times per week to get through the pain loneliness. Not good for your health I know but the alternative was anti depressants and I don’t like them. I would say if it gets too much for anyone to seek medical advice and try the medication as I do know it eases and helps the suffering. So cut long story short I’m a Gay Widow suffer with OCD. I feel I don’t have a future now as I feel I focused and gave all my energy to Gareth fir the 12 years we were together. I really don’t think I would be up for all that again. No way. And I know people say get out there enjoy your life he wouldn’t want you to be sad and Lonely and I understand that how every I really don’t want it. I have had feelings fir people don’t get me wrong do I know it can happen. I personally just don’t want to. I promote anyone if they do get a chance to have happiness again go for it. Anyway I think I’ve gone on enough hope you guys find your peace and happiness again. It’s only us that can do it. Yes support is great and that’s why I felt I needed to get on this group just in the end it comes down to us to get back on our feet and put one step in-front of the other easier said than done I know.