Today is the anniversary of my wedding day

I got married on May 1, 1992 and lost my husband on June 30, 2017. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and if I had one wish, it would be to go back and live that day over. It has been almost 3 years since my husband passed away. I have no other family who is still alive. He was my family and I miss him so much. He was a Vietnam veteran, a marine, and I was proud to be married to him. I still remember the look of so much love in his eyes when we took our wedding vows. Today is the 28th anniversary of that day. We were married for 25 years when he died. My brother in law made the funeral arrangements. He never called me to tell me when the funeral was so I didn't get to go. That hurts alot to this day. I've never seen his grave site. There was also a memorial service with his other family members and I didn't get to go to that either. So I feel like I never really got to say goodbye. I feel like I'm stuck in the depression phase of the grieving process and I don't know how to move on. After his death, my social worker talked me into moving from my own apt to a personal care home. When I did that I lost my car and all of my possessions. I lost my independence. I feel like I should have kept my apt and I would have been much happier. In the personal care home I am lonely and socially isolated. I have no transportation to get to local grief support meetings. I feel like I have no life, I just exist. Every day is the same and out of my control. I look back on my married years as a time when I had a life. I got hugs and kisses and cuddling all the time. I really miss that and it feels like I will never have that again, not so long as I stay here. I'm not a local to this area. My husband and I moved here from my hometown when we got married. Now that he is gone I have no friends or family in this area. I wish I could move back to my hometown but I am on Social Security and can't afford it. I've had alot of losses and I don't know how I'll get through grieving them all. I feel so empty and alone. I hope this group will help me.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by bluebird on May 1, 2020 at 12:50pm
Carol,
I'm sorry all of that has happened to you, your husband's death and everything else. I'm gathering from your post that you're a senior; if that's the case, I think that getting a senior advocate would be helpful to you (I know they exist, but I don't know how to go about finding one.... hopefully someone else here does). Really your social worker should have been more helpful and on your side, but it doesn't seem as if s/he was. And your brother-in-law is horrible, not telling you when the funeral was!
It does seem as though you would be happier elsewhere, so I hope you are able to find a senior advocate (or a different/better social worker) to help you. I also hope this website is helpful for you.
Permalink Reply by Carol Klotz on May 3, 2020 at 4:07pm

Thank you for your support. I never heard of a senior advocate but I would sure like one--I can use all the support I can get. I did request a different social worker, and was told they are very short-staffed. Actually I requested one several times over a period of months and was told the same thing every time. 

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