Susan B,  I am so sorry.  To try and live without that person who was by your side for 52 years is a living nightmare.  I had 35 married years but 55 of knowing him (since second grade).  That much history buries the person left behind.  At least it did me.  I can honestly say that over the past seven years I have gotten better at functioning and doing the every day tasks of living.  But inside I am still so broken.  At first I could identify triggers that would make me breakdown......form grocery shopping to standing gin line at the post office....to pretty much everything.  I cried all the time.  I still cry, I can get through sometimes three days but something will knock me back down.  I have had to resign myself to how this is for me.  I don't know if anyone cries as much as me coping with their grief after a long time but it still hits me.  

People here will tell their truth about how they manage their sorrow.  The biggest thing I have learned from this site is to know that I am not crazy for the feelings I have gone through and the ones I still have.  I have learned there is NO timeline for how long one might still feel deep loss.  I have learned my loss will never end.  And the day I am able to depart is the day I now look forward to.  I have been ready for that day since my husband died. I don't need to "experience" any more of life.  I had everything I wanted.  I just miss him..........