Mannion,

I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most.  But your comment about your precious husband and losing him makes me just want to let you know we hear you.  Each of us who have just joined or those who have been here a longer time.....we all hear you.  There doesnt seem to be anything we can say to ease the pain, just the knowledge that many of us are suffering the same helps us to feel less crazy.  The hurt will stile there unfortunately.

In the beginning years of grief I couldnt imagine being so unbelievably devastated.  On January 21 2020 my husband will be dead for seven years.  To be honest, I grieve him everyday.  I have his pictures throughout my house. I have no children so I have no "family" obligations.  All I do is take one day at a time with no ambition and simply do what I have to in order to pay bills.  It is forced and haphazard.  I function better than I did in the early years but the emotion for me has never waned.  If I am not distracting myself I think, and thinking for me is lethal because I think of him.  Then I going my hole.  It is a deep cavern.

I have no real suggestions as to how to cope other than to take baby steps.  One foot in front of another.   And heaven knows, lots of crying.  Tons of it.  

Nothing will be the same.  Not you, not your surroundings, not people you come in contact with.  At 67 (soon to be 68) I can hope my days are numbered.  Wishing yesterday wold have been the magic number but here I am today and I have small tasks in front of me needing to be done.  

I just wanted you to know your story has been received by the universe......

morgan