Hello lani I am sorry about your loss and would like to know you better?

    I pm’ed you already 

Lani,

You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.  I don't understand how its possible to be so shattered when I was living a life with joy and happiness, comfort and contentment.  The early years of grieving are so raw and will consume your strength daily.  No one really wants to admit it but there is no timeline for when the pain is supposed to ease. When you experience the pain of the greatest loss ever it is impossible to describe to anyone who has never lost their spouse and had a good marriage.  Here we know the pain.  We are all too familiar with it.  Each of us are in a different timeline but I can advise you to not expect too much of yourself.  As for the holidays, it depends. 

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 on the day after Xmas so I've just decided it is easier for me not to celebrate the season, at all.  I have no children so I have no obligatory events to go to.  Even so I still spend from before Thanksgiving up through the end of January when he died, crying and trying to bear with the noise of everyone else who still have something to celebrate.

Just go easy on yourself.  Dont do anything you don't want to do  Don't feel pressure.  Hang onto what Joe says if you can...... "(your husband)will be there for you when your time comes and you both will spend eternity in joyful bliss."  Just keep telling yourself that over and over and over.  And do whatever you can to distract yourself from thinking.  Its about the only way to get through the moments of each day.  We all post periodically and come here to read.  You may end up doing the same thing.  But guaranteed each of us know your pain and we are all sorry you have had to find us here.......

morgan

Lani,

I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of grief and hopes of someday being reunited with our Loves when it's our time to join them.  That will happen someday.  Believe it.  He is still with you but in a different realm that we can't see.  Trust that he is watching over you and will be there for you when your time comes and you both will spend eternity in joyful bliss.

Joe