Jennifer,  

If there was anything at all I could say, I would.  No one who hasn't lost the love of their life can understand the amount of pain that stays with us for a very long time.  I know at four years I was still banging into walls essentially.  It took me to get several months past five years before I didn't feel the helplessness of thinking will the pain ever stop. No the pain never stops but.....

I don't have the best news as I am now past the six year mark and the pain is still with me it just manifests differently.  For me, what results from time passing is that my brain (on its own, or maybe by my training it) blocks the constant pain.  I still get it intermittently (pretty much every day still) and it is bottomless.  Excruciating.  But it doesn't hang on me all day long.  

My problem is I hate life.  I hate opening my eyes every morning.  I hate having to pout up with what I have to do on a daily basis.  I want to join my husband because there is nothing for me here.  But then, what if......that is the ONLY thing that has kept me halfway serving.  What if......

All I can say is we all understand your pain.  We can because we all feel the same way.  We all just try to keep managing to cope  There is no manual for how to survive the death of a loved one.  Nothing other than feeling the pain.  Its crappy encouragement.........wish I had better.......