Am I supposed to be "used to" my husband not being here for our 18th Valentine's Day? Because I gotta tell ya, I'm not. For the past two days, I have felt extremely insecure, very inadequate, and on the verge of tears. Even though Jeremy and I really didn't celebrate Valentine's Day for years, I still got at least 1 rose. Sometimes, I would also get dinner, but it wasn't a big deal if I didn't. 

This would have been our 18th Valentine's Day. I'll never know whether or not we'd still be together. I don't believe that our marriage would have been completely over, but not knowing what might have been drives me bonkers. It's totally not fair that I have to live without him, and that our marriage has been placed on a cliff hanger. 

Maybe I will have a different outlook tomorrow. IDK...