Mollie
  • Female
  • San Antonio, TX
  • United States
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About Me:
I am 21 years old, living in the beautiful state of Texas with my boyfriend. I just moved here from Maryland. I am an avid writer, photographer, blogger, and my favorite place to be is near the water. It is a part of me.
About my Loss:
My father, who was my closest friend, passed away January 5, 2015 from MRSA, a bacterial infection. He was four days shy of his 59th birthday. He had been sick on and off for a few years, and I spent most of my teenage years as his caregiver. My parents are divorced, and I lived with my dad year round, and we became extremely close. I moved away last May, when I felt that my brothers were capable of taking over my role and I could attempt to start making some decisions for my life. I came home to visit for Christmas, and my father told my 3 brothers and I that he was ready to die. And we did our best to understand, but I just couldn't. I couldn't let go.
I returned to Texas, and my father passed away. I was not there for him, and I have been dealing with overwhelming guilt and agony. My best friend is gone, the man who gave me advice and guidance, who was supposed to walk me down the aisle someday...is gone. And I honestly don't know how to start again.

Mollie's Blog

The Hardest Days

There are nights that I dream about the funeral, about how bitter cold and wet it was, from the rain. I replay it all over again, about how unwilling I was to leave. About how unable I was to accept that he was already gone, and just his body remained. But I refused, absolutely refused, to think of him in the ground. As cold as it was, I just couldn't imagine him there. 

There are days that I wake up from those dreams, and I just cry. I never knew I was capable of so many…

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Posted on January 30, 2015 at 6:50pm — 3 Comments

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Does anyone else feel pressure to always reply because you're afraid it'll be the last conversation?

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