I started taking down some of my son's belongings.  He never got to come home from the NICU, so we have this perfectly set up and charming nursery in our home.  It is a place I go to honor him, love him, look over his unworn clothes and cry for him.  

It came to me on Saturday that I was ready to start this.  I didn't want to change much, just remove some baby items off of shelves and put away packaged gifts that were not going to be opened.  I filled up two new plastic bins and was satisfied.  I didn't overthink it, I kind of just went in with an agenda.

Then I came to the book shelf.  As I was sorting through his new books I came across the Congratulations cards that were all jumbled up with the Condolences cards.  What mean irony.  As I began to read them, I became so heavy with sadness, I stopped everything and cried out, my baby, my baby, God, I want my baby back!  I couldn't stop crying and it was so very sad.  At the same time though, it felt good to cry for my Wyatt.  He is my baby, my son, and I will always want him to be with me.

Once I could gather myself and return to his nursery, I decided we would share his bookshelf.  Me and my boy.  So, I put my books on his top shelf and arranged his little shoes as a nice display.  Then, I placed his books all neat and tidy on the second shelf and put a framed photo of me and his daddy between the two sides.  

I stood back and smiled in a small way.  We are sharing space in his nursery and I like that.