Torn as to what to do

Hello -- I'm so glad this site is here. I spoke to an old family friend who is encouraging me to go down and see my mom out of state and ignore my mom's wishes. My mom really made it clear to me she does not want me to come down, and I want to respect her wishes. I talk to her once a week on the phone, per her request, and ask her each time if she has changed her mind about me going down to see her; she has not. The hospice people also told me I should probably not go down to see her. I just wanted to go down and give her a hug, but I also do not want to see my mom so deteriorated and ill. Just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you.

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Comment by David H on August 20, 2012 at 5:24pm

well!

Umm I once posted a comment about a persons situation.Iam not sure I mean well but I was "reprimanded" for some comments I thought were not to offend but I thought were ideas that were to help from the experiences I have lived through. I have gone through alot more pain than you will ever realize.Reading this today tells me people aren,t what they seem,even when they are espressing there grief which is horrible.

Dave 

Comment by Gin Wolf on August 19, 2012 at 10:30pm

Thanks for your comment, Dave. I was posting the blog to get off my chest what I needed to. But, please, refrain from telling me what I should and should not do. My situation with my mother is not the same as yours with your wife --Please do not compare my situation with yours or anyone else's. I know there is no right or wong answer for me -- I did not post the blog to be told what to do -- I posted it to get off my chest what I needed to; this is a very personal choice of mine, and I know whatever I decide I have no reason to need to feel "Guilty." Thanks for your response, but again, please do not tell me what I should or should not do. Thank you in advance for your respect.

Comment by David H on August 19, 2012 at 5:07pm

two ways you can look at it

1.Like you say your mom is in bad shape,obey her wishes and not see her  or see her and cherish the last time you saw her.You have to live with whatever happends. Would I want to have seen my wife 'deteriorating" in the critical care or be a nervous wreck and full of guilt not seeing her for the last time.Go see her 

Comment by Gin Wolf on August 18, 2012 at 10:00pm

Thanks so much, Anna -- this does help a lot. Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and words --I will meditate on this and e-mail my Mom with my thoughts, since it is so hard for her to talk 

Comment by anna l. on August 18, 2012 at 9:47pm

I think I have a way for you to answer this for yourself.  As yourself what you will regret in years to come.  Will you regret going and having one more hug, one more face to face chat, one more look at her familiar eyes?  Or will you regret not going even more?  If you want to go your mom will forgive you.  If not right now she will when she passes over and truly understands it was what you needed most.  Remember you will be the one left behind who has to find a way to go on without her in your world.  Sometimes you have to do what is right for yourself too.  Im sure your mom loves you enough to understand that. 

 

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