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Comment by Denise Taylor on January 28, 2016 at 12:09am

Oh no I understand I would think that a spouse would be more difficult to handle. I had my Mothwr for 76 years, not that I wanted to lose her by all means but I know that God blessed me with all the years that we did have together. My husband I have only been with. For 9 years and we are very close. We are team drivers so we live in a semi truck together 24/7. My whole world would end if something happened to him. I can not make your pain go away but I am always here if you ever just want to talk about your husband! It would a blessing to hear about your wonderful life you had together.

Comment by bluebird on January 27, 2016 at 9:37pm

Thank you, Denise. All loss, all death is difficult and horrible.  For me, though, I think that my husband's death is the worst thing that could ever have happened (with the possible exception of him having still been alive but comatose or otherwise completely incapacitated, because he would never have wanted to live that way).  It would be horrible if one of my parents died, and I would be terribly sad because I love them very much and we are very close, but horrible as it would be, that would more in the usual scheme of life (I really hope I don't sound uncaring, of either my parents or your situation, as I definitely don't mean it that way). My husband's death is the death of my soulmate, the death of my future, the death of our (possible) children, the death of any passion I had for life. He truly is my soulmate, the love of my life.

Comment by Denise Taylor on January 27, 2016 at 8:55pm

Oh bluebird my heart breaks for you. Since I lost my Mother all I worry about is losing the love of my life. (my husband) every time he coughs or has a headache I smother him with care and concern. I am so sorry that you are having to go through the loss of the love of your life. Maybe my life is not as bad as I think. I do still have my husband and that is
Something I thank God for. Thank you for sharing.

Comment by bluebird on January 27, 2016 at 8:02pm

Time does not heal all wounds, at least not for all people.  I will never heal from the death of my husband -- his death has destroyed my life, period.  I hate it when people spout that fucking cliché, along with all the others ("He's in a better place now", "You need to move on with your life", blah, blah, blah).  It's crap, all of it.

For some people, time does seem to help, though I don't think it can ever fully heal a wound that strike so deeply into the soul.  Still, if the passing of time does help to ameliorate your pain, then that's a good thing. For me, it's been 3 years since my husband died.  Life is still horrible, and always will be.  While I don't cry every second of every day, that's only because I am sometimes numb, and because while I would rather not, I am forced to go to work because my financial situation sucks, and I can't cry the whole time I'm at work.  But in the overall scheme of things, I have not stopped crying. I do not want to laugh. Now and then something will be funny and I will laugh, but there is no joy in it like there used to be, and honestly I would rather just not do it.  I still do not want to be around people, and I never will. I isolate myself at home as much as I possibly can.  I'm sure that's not "healthy", but I don't give a damn what's healthy. 

If you are able to find any happiness in your life, then I would urge you to do so.  There is no such thing for me, but I can tell you that this is a shitty way to live, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I am just waiting to die.

Comment by dream moon JO B on January 26, 2016 at 3:41pm

wen 

i wud luv 2 hav my old lif bac i wud it mit hav bean krazy but i luvd silly krazy