The loss of my son, and feeling like i dont belong

14 mo after the death of my son, and i feel like i dont belong, Im in a different place than others around me. Things that used to hurt dont hurt. People seem different to me. When im driving in my car things are just gray. I hear people talk about relationships breaking up, and the cat dying ect... and how it is breaking their heart. I thought i have experienced the worst of the worst when it came to pain and heartache. When you lose a child you spend the rest of your life in torment, and pain. A mother has to wake everyday without that little hand to hold, even if the little hand turned into a big hand. Not having that hand to protect and to hold makes a mother really off balance. Only a mother knows of this balance. How my heart goes out to mothers who have lost a child. I feel i want to only be with mothers who are without there child, that way i belong. My world has changed so much, and i feel lonely.

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Comment by Lisa Townsend on January 8, 2010 at 8:25am
I know what you mean when it comes to the wife part. How can a woman be so cold and have no heart. I guess the wifes of our sons dont like the husbands mothers. My daughter in law seemed to try to hurt me more after my sons death, My son died On Nov 29 2008. He died on his son second birthday. Im still not sure what killed him.
Comment by Ganny on January 7, 2010 at 6:12pm
My son died November 28th, 2009.. he was 37. Because he was 37 didn't stop me from loving him as if he was my baby because that's what he was to me, my child, my son, my baby. No matter how old, how big, or where he went in life, to me he was my baby. Yes he was a man doing man things. A child never stops being a Mother's baby. My loss is great, enormous, the wound is wide open, my soul weeps. His wife won't let me see the grandaughter and we were very close. I have to have $2700.00 to go to court and get grandparent rights. This I don't have, and no way to get it. So now I wait for God to do what he does and work miracles for me and this child.
Comment by Stephanie on January 4, 2010 at 3:36pm
hi lisa, i am so sorry for your loss. it is now 21 months since i lost my 12 year old daughter, jessy. i know where you are at in life, i know the space you are in. you are not alone, we just hadn't met each other yet. i am here in the same space with you. yes, other things dont affect us the same way anymore. we feel we dont belong. yesterday was the first time in AGES, that my family went to visit with another family, who lost their 3 year old little girl 6 months ago. i felt comfortable. i belonged. i had a good time. and i wept. and it was good. and everyone was comfortable. the hard part is having to fit in with the rest for my other children. please feel free to email me direct at: sentimentals@absamail.co.za
i also feel alone, also love to have a friend to talk to, who "wanders" in the space that i am in.
wishing you strength,
lots of love, jan

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