I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like I was going to suffocate. The 40th anniversary of my mothers death is this Sunday April 4. She had cancer. I was 11 years old. I did not know that my mother was going to die. When she did, I started to cry, my aunt said "stop crying you are just feeling sorry for yourself" I learned to hold all of my feeling inside, I have turned my anger inward and am now depressed. As a 51 year old mother of 2, I need to know how to grieve and how to pass onto my sons how to express their feelings in an appropriate way. If anyone has experience that would help me, I am open to you.