Well it has been 3 weeks since Steven passed. I am no closer to moving on then the day he was taken off life support. Today is bad because it is his birthday. I have to stay strong because of my other children, but truth be told I am weak. I am not the strong person everyone accuses me of being. And I am so tired of hearing" You are the strongest person I know" it makes me feel like a fraud. Steven was the strong one. When the accident happened on New Year's Eve of 2003 we thought he would not make it. Even the doctors said the out come was not good. Yet Steven fooled us all. He came off the ventilator to breathe on his own. A miracle for a 22 pound 15 month old.  For the next couple of years Steven was doing good for someone that young to have half a brain and severe stroke damage. Then he was fitted for a trach. We dealt and marched on. Then he had trouble with his breathing a couple of years after that so he was placed back on a portable vent because not wanting to breathe was his only issue at the time. Then 2 months Steven developed A Plastic Anemia. Without treatment Steven was going to die. The worst part was Steven was not a candidate for a bone marrow transplant because of his health problems from the TBI in 2003. So we watched Steven for almost 6 weeks bleed and grow weaker and in more pain. then on August 31, 2012 when morphine was being giving along with adivan every 30 minutes we made the decision to let him go. At this point the Steven we knew was already gone and replaced with a shell. Steven died at 3:30 that afternoon. He waited until I left.the room to check on the other kids at home. While on the phone with them he died. I did get to give him a bath and get him ready for the funeral home but in hindsight I don't know if that was good or bad. I mean for 8 years it was my job along with a couple of nurses to do everything for Steven. Feed him, change him, give him meds, his total care was ours. His father helped but he had his outlets. He still got to spend time with his friends, go to concerts and even go to work. I was here everyday. I went out with my husband once every 6 months, but that wasn't an escape like he had.

 You know though I would not have changed a thing because I got to be there for Steven. I know I am rambling but I just wanted to get this out. Happy Birthday baby. Know Mommy and Daddy will always love you.