Only 23 days

It's been 23 days since my son passed away. I am lost, feel guilty, heart broken, and angry at the world. I am not sure what to do or where to go from here. I have lost my parents and son within 5 years. All within the first three months and their birthdays are also in the first 3 months. They were the only people who never judged others, never turned their backs no matter what, and always listened. They were my world and I miss them so much. My son was a shock. I will never forget the phone call. A mothers worst nightmare. He was only 24 to be 25 in March. I have shut out the rest of my little family, not wanting to talk or be in the same room. I just want to be by myself with my memories. I have no faith at this point in my life because I do not understand why or how he could do this to me and the ones I love. Most of the time I do not know if I'm coming or going, forget what I was going to do or go. Thank you for reading as I need someplace to go in hopes others feel the same way or have been through it.

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Comment by Bern on February 17, 2013 at 9:36pm

Hi Kari,

I too lost my only son. He was shot 10/12. It has been 4 months. He live with us, meaning his father and I. He was only 20. He was at home around 4pm...Around 10pm we recieved a call saying TJ was shot. I tried not to think. I met the girl that he left home to visit. She said they were playing russian roulett. I knew in my heart of hearts,,he would not do that. I am still trying to get a new investigation for my son. The police department here in Mobile, Alabama will not help me. They will not even explain. They took her word and closed the case. Now, instead of just dealing with not having my only son...I am trying to get legal issues resolved...My son left a child, his mother/father, girlfriend an sister. I sit alone. I cry if I leave my house..just to go a store. I can not explain it. My marriage centered around our 20 year old because he was the only one at home living with us. Now, that we don't talk about our son...we don't talk..it is like..go in your room and get on the computer..or go cook,,,don't talk....I feel like if we can't talk why be together..My husband says.."what else do you want me to say, he can't come back".

 

The first time in our marriage that we both experiience the same pain and we can't help each other..

I have to make all the calls, set all the appointments...ask all the questions..do all the paper work..It is a living HeLL.

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