Ok even though I said I wouldn't go out socially again, as it felt so wrong last time, i gave it another chance and went to my good friends 40th party, her being a good friend and the fact that my daughter wanted to go I found myself thinking why the hell not, my lifes over anyway and new years eve and day were just the most horrific days for me even worse than xmas day , I spent the whole 2 days in floods of tears so I knew going to the party couldn't be really worse, but I still haven't learned from my past mistakes of going out, im wondering why i put my self though it again, to be honest  it wasn't to bad up until when one of my friends brought her brother who was visiting her from London, he sat opposite me and I just knew from the start it was gonna be a nightmare , you can just tell how men sort off look at you,but im not a rude person so I didn't say anything, but he started chatting to me and because im a nice person I assumed he was just being nice , how bloody naive am I , his conversation became over friendly , my friend could hear him and I heard her say to him that I was not interested and that my husband had not long died, do you think that stopped him, did it hell  alnight I could see him leeching at me , wanna dance he then said , er no thanks I said,well maybe later then he replied , I didn't dance with him by the way nor did I engage him in any more conversation,  but it really pisses me off that men think that less than 6 months after losing someone that we would even consider dancing or god knows what else with another man , I for sure can not, will not, ever look at another man ever and I mean ever, I choose Andy as my life partner(well we choose each other) and just because he's not here anymore I will still choose him everyday and I will never unchoose him, how I wished it was him sitting opposite me on Saturday night and him asking me to dance oh how I wish x