My name is Don and this is my first post here. I lost my wife of 20 years last January to cancer. She battled it for 2 years. I tried to prepare myself in advance for this but I guess I didn't do such a good job because I still fell apart. I went to Griefshare and thought it helped. Then lately I feel like I have been going backwards instead of forwards. I had a vacation in July and just stayed home. I had too much time to think and remember and it turned out really lousy. I never thought I would hear myself say it but I was really glad to get back to work. In May I also took a vacation and went to California. That really wasn't so good either. Not the same going alone. My next vacation I think I will volunteer some time somewhere.

Well here is another part I am dealing with. I miss the hugs and kisses and love so much. I feel so empty and so alone. I have tried several dating sites online but have not had any luck except for bad. There are a lot of scammers out there on both sides. I miss the intimacy too but not as much as i mentioned above. I almost wish I could find a prostitute who would let me just hold her and make out with her. I went hiking with a girl who I work with who lost her husband a while back. She is also having a very rough time of it. I hugged her and kissed her a little but it was nowhere near enough. I fall in love with every pretty girl I see. So I thought I'd better share these feelings with everyone here. Maybe getting into a relationship right now wouldn't be the best idea but how in the world do you just turn off these feelings? I feel like I have to try to turn off the feelings I crave and desire so badly.  Thats all for now.

Don