I lost my father on August 27, 2012. He was 65 years young. He passed from secondary complications from surgery.

He went into the hospital on August 15, 2012 for a Whipple procedure. They found pancreatic cancer and took the head of the pancreas and his gallbladder. The doctors told him he would probably be in the 5% that beat pancreatic cancer. I saw him the following weekend. He was up walking around, talking and laughing. A week and a half later, a Friday night, his heart went into A-fib and the doctors think he threw a blood clot. The blood clot blocked the renal artery (the one that goes from the heart to the bowels) 100%. By the time the doctors figured out what was wrong, they told us that it was too late and he only had a couple more days left. He was sedated and on a ventilator.

On Sunday the 26, we made the decision to take him off the ventilator on Monday and let nature take its course. My whole family was there. My Dad's siblings, all of his kids, nieces and nephews were all there. They all came when my mom and I called them. We all sat around his ICU room, about 14 of us were in the room. The nurses were so nice to all of us. I have never seen such great care at a hospital.

On Monday the 27, we took my Dad off the ventilator at about 11:30 am. We sat around his room and told stories about him and fessed up to things we had done and lied to him about or just neglected to tell him. About 1:45 pm everyone but my mom left the room to go get something to eat. My mom called us back at about 2:15 pm. We all ran back to the ICU room and found out that he was gone. I was the last person on the room with his body. I knew that his soul was already gone, but I couldn't seem to leave him though. My brother and brother-in-law had to take me out of the room.

My heart and chest hurt so much. I have days that I want to give up and die too. But I have to remember to stay strong for my mom and the rest of my family. I am grieving in my own way, most of the time when I am by myself. I'm tired of crying and people asking me how I am. I want to yell at them "HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M FEELING? MY HERO, MY FATHER, THE GREATEST MAN IN MY LIFE HAS LEFT ME AND I WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN."

I await the day that I will see my Daddy again in Heaven. Miss him more and more every day. They tell me the pain will always be there, but it will get better. You will miss him each and every day. Just remember the good memories you had with him. But the pain is horrible, I miss him so much I would give the world to have him back, and the memories hurt to think about.