It has been a month and one day since my moms death.I am still trying to deal with the loss.Mom lived with me for 5 years.She had high blood pressure,diabetes,dementia and arthiritis and other ailments.It is so lonely in this house without her.She was so sick before she died.She stopped eating as much,she also started to get more moody and aggressive.She was in and out of the hospital.I am so happy that she was with me but i have this picture of her in my mind when she got to the point where she was near the end.Her breathing was shallow and she was on strong pain medications(morphine etc)I was tired and i left the hospice to go home to change clothes.I recieved a call from my sister that mom had died.It was horrible to see her gasping for breath.Death is not pretty.I want to remember the good times we had but i have trouble remembering things.The funeral was nice and we buried her in the same cemetary where my dad is buried.They were divorced but we wanted her in the same place with dad.So both of my parents are buried here in Michigan where i live.My siblings all live out of state.I am trying to keep myself busy.The hardest thing is moving forward and dealing with being alone again after 5 years of having mom here.I sitll refer to the bedroom as hers.A lot of her clothes are still in the closet.For a while i pretended in my mind that she was on a long journey but i know i was in denial.I know grief is a long process and there will be good and bad days but i wish i had more time with her.