I have not been on this site in a while. When people tell you "time will heal everything", "you have your memories", "it gets better with time", well, they mean well, but it does not! It has been 32 months since I lost my husband of three years to a senseless murder in front of me. I wished when it happen that the coward would have taken me as well and I still do. Two weeks after my husband was taken from me, I lost my Dad as well and have not even had a chance to grieve him. I hate may life, I hate that I am all alone and I feel that I will always be alone. I try and try but I miss my husband so much and I miss everything we did together. I do not feel like I am living anymore, I exist. I try to take interest in things, like sports and cooking, but when it comes right down to it, nothing interests me. My family and friends have long since figured I am fine now, it has been almost three years. Every one depends on me for everything and sometimes I miss the feeling that I had someone to do things for me. I have to deal with everything on my own now. Everything reminds me of my husband and the life we had together. I want to move somewhere else but just cant build up the courage to take that step. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me but I would like for people to be concerned about me. I was always the strong one in the family and you do not bounce back after something as horrendous like I went thru. I have PTSD and I have no control over when memories of that night will come rushing back. I deal with it as best I can but I hate that I am alone almost all of the time, except for my three dogs. I tell myself how sad my life has become and I am only making an effort for my mother. We became widows within two weeks of each other.