I lost my Mom April 2011. I think Im getting better these days and than I have a day like today where all I wanna do is cry. She was my best friend. We talked everyday if not a couple times a day. So when Im having a bad day like today and I cant pick up the phone and call her I get real sad and mad. I have been having alot of off the wall dreams lately so this is another reason why Im probably upset today too. I talk to my friends and my immediate family about my feelings sometimes and I feel like they really dont get it, and never will. I only have my brothers left in my family. My Dad passed away 6 years ago also from throat cancer. Its a really odd not having your parents around at the age that Im at. Im too young to have lost them already. Its hard to talk to my brothers about my feelings because I dont feel were close enough. Well one of them I can open up too, but he has alot of guilt with the passing of my Mom that I dont open up very much with him. I get bitter when I out and about and see women my age with there Moms. Im so jealous. My sons lost the best Grandma ever. They have such a void now, and it hurts me so much. When I see them talk to there other Grandma (mother in law) its just not the same. They talk to her on facetime its like skype. I always clam up and get irritated because that should be my Mom on the computer on facetime talking to them too!! My oldest son is 16 now and my Mom helped raise him for 11 years with me until I got married. I look at my oldest now hes has gotten so tall and handsome and I walk behind him sometimes and tear up because my Mom would be so proud of what he has become and how handsome he is. He has good grades and is doing well in baseball. I just want to call her and tell her everytime they win a game, and I cant. She was his biggest cheerleader. I now feel like Im gonna die at a young age also. Alot of heart attacks on my Moms side of the family. TO be honest my 3 boys keep me moving along, I dont know what I would do without them in my life, I probably wouldnt be here. My husbands in the arm and living the military life is so hard sometimes. Especially with everything I have been thru. Im trying so hard to get back to my home state because all my memories are there of my Mom and my childhood. My Mom passed away and I was living in another state and still havent been ABLE TO MOVE BACK YET. The army keeps moving us further and further away :( Thank god my husband only has 4 more years left han he retires!!! All my friends back home say Im so strong. I really dont think I am. I really have no choice but to keep moving along. The world doesnt stop just because my Mom aND Dad died. SOmetimes I wish I had a sister to lean on, maybe it would be easier. I have great friends but i can only cry so much to them. I only have 3 years to sue her docter and I dont want to try and sue him while Im out of state, wont work to well. So I gotta get back home! I know my Mom would be upset with me for all this painful grieving....Im sorry