Today I have been going through pictures.. I've started a scrapbook.. I keep looking for Dad's pictures just to see his smile.. I miss how he would give me a grin when Mom would get after him for something.. Or when I would do something stupid just to make him laugh.. I miss walking through the door and hearing him say my name making sure it was me coming in. Mom has made us go through his things and move everything out of his bedroom and it kills me. I wanted to keep it for a little while longer. It was my go to place. Dad was 60 years old and collected Transformers and the walls where covered. I could walk in there and talk to him and now since we had to move everything out of there it just seems like we pushed him out. I miss him so much that I can hardly stand it. I know he was in a lot of pain the last bit he was here and I would never wish him that again but just one more minute so I could give him and hug and kiss bye and tell him I love him.. 

I keep having these horrible thoughts that maybe he wasn't really dead.. And now that we have buried him he will wake up and no one will know.. Makes me sick thinking about it but these are the crazy thoughts going through my head.. Everyday seems to get worse and harder.. I hope it gets easier!