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Comment by irwin Dresner on June 13, 2012 at 7:31pm

Hi Julie,  I am sorry to read about your loss.  I lost my wife in october of 2009.  It has not been easy for me because I have no one living close.  It is not your fault about not catching the symptoms because sometimes they are not completly visible.   I got my wife out of smoking about 45 years ago by taking hypnosis classes.   I got her to stop in about 4 sessions.  I am a veteran and I also got a number of veterans to stop.  Even though she stopped long ago, they discovered her lung cancer after she fell and they took some scans.   she had kimo for about

5  months and then they took another scan and said the cancer was gone and they just wanted

to give her a few shots more.   one day i went to the food store and when i returned she was yelling.  i asked her what happened and she said that she was exercising while i was gone and she hurt her leg.  I called the nurse and she said she should go to the hospital.  At the hospital they found that her leg was fractured and they signed her into the hospital.   I called out of town to have my kids fly up.   2 days later i could not communicate with her.  the next day she was dead.   I felt that had I not left her alone by going out to the store she would still be here.   my grief is still with me even though i go for help.  i hope that you are going for some help.   i can go for weeks by myself and that does not help.  i hope your family contacts you often.  the best to you.    irwin    

Comment by Jim Eginoire on June 13, 2012 at 4:00pm

Hi Julie,

I hate the term "new normal" because I suffered severe injuries in 2006 when I fell from our chimney.  Without my wife I never could have made it and the physical therapist would refer to my injuries as a new normal.  That I could accept, but when Nanette died on Sept 26, 2010, I wanted nothing to do with her death being referred to as "new normal".  To lose the love of your life after 23 years of marriage from an accidental drug overdose caused by the mixture of the meds provided, is not normal. 

My life and my childrens lives have changed drastically since her death, but more so for my daughter and I as we were our family for 10 year after our son married when he was 19 and has a family of his own.  I am 56, I was 54 when Nanette died at age 52.  Today would have been our 25th wedding anniversary and it is worse this year than last.  I am so sad today and feel it so much more than last year.  After being numb for a year the feelings start to kick in and it is hell.

God bless you and if you wish to correspond, we can exchange email in private messages.

Jim