I feel so lost. I don't know how to stop the pain of not having you here. I couldn't stop thinking of Nick today. Which meant I broke down many times. Not even work or soccer practice seemed to keep my mind busy. I feel so alone. I was always the girl that loved to get up every morning and look my best. Now I feel like doing my makeup is a drag. My son noticed he said "Mom I liked it when you do your hair and makeup. You look pretty".

I was a regular at the place where Nick worked at. I always looked forward to seeing him there. I always tried to look my best, which he always noticed. He would light up when he saw me smile and say "Hi Jeannette" when he said my name he would say it very distinctly. I will never forget the way he said my name. He would give me a big hug when everytime I saw him. He would always compliment me by saying I looked good or smelled good.

Our friendship grew outside of his job. We text and spoke frequently. Even though I always had many men after me there was always something about Nick but we always remained just friends. He text me one Valentine's Day to ask what I was doing. I was home in my PJs watching the news. It ended up being the best valentines.

It's the little things that Nick did that meant so much to me. I have a huge void in my life. I have always been considered the strong happy girl. Now I'm not so sure. I miss my friend. I want him back! This is so unfair. I have this pain in my chest that won't go away. I feel like I have no one to talk to no one to turn to. I'm pushing people away because the just don't understand. Their same comments of he's watching over you, he's in a better place blah blah blah.. Well I don't want Nick in a better place I want him here!

We are taught to believe that we all go to a better place. But how much of a better place can that be when you have to wait to be able to share it with the ones you love?