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Comment by Missy Robinson on April 20, 2012 at 6:40am

thank you Anna and Kathy, I know she is up in Heaven and is free of pain and probably having a grand time with her Nanu (grandmother).  I'm glad to know that you both think she hears me when I talk to her.  That does help to kind of keep things in some state of normalcy for me.  I'm sorry you both have lost your loved ones too.  Cancer does suck. 

Comment by anna l. on April 19, 2012 at 11:36pm

Yep, cancer sucks.  It took my dad from me when I was only 9.  I barely remember him but I miss him!  Cancer took my love, my soulmate, my husband last year.  We only had 2 months after he got sick and I almost never left his side.  I slept in a chair beside him if he was in the hospital, and in a recliner beside his hospital bed at home and talked to him in the quiet of the night, in the bustle of the morning, while he should have been resting in the afternoon and yet there is so much more I wish I had said.  I do talk to him now and dont know if he hears me or not, but I do know I need to say it.  And I also have to just hope what didnt get said he knew.  He must have known how much I loved him, how much it hurt me to have to tell him it was ok to go.  So talk to your love Missy.  Talk, scream, whatever you need to do because if they can hear us they also understand it all comes from our love. 

Comment by Kathy S McBee on April 19, 2012 at 9:58pm

Cancer sucks. In December, I lost Hollister to it. My parents went the same way. With my parents, I accepted it better; somehow I knew it was their time. With Hollister, I thought he was going to come out of it, too. There are things I wished I would have said to him that didn't get said. And, yes, I know he hears me now. It's a "faith is proof" kind of thing. I can't say I know how I know. It just is - like I knew Hollister was 'the one' from the first.

Oh, it's still a confusing time. The good 'stuff' from our relationship hurts. The laughs turn into tears and the tears into laughs. And the house is much too empty. It's easier now than it was at the beginning of this upside-down time. That doesn't make it easy. 

I know where Hollister is now. He's OK. And I know it had to be this way. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I think this experience is like anything - we adjust. We're built to adjust. That doesn't mean we like it. She'll be in your heart - like he's in mine.

For what it's worth.