It feels as if Januray 27th was just yesterday, yet seems so long since I have seen my mother. Ever since she had gastric bypass surgery in 2005, she has had nothing but health problems, especially involving her pancreas, but I never knew it was severe. She was a nurse, so I figured if something was terribly wrong, she would let me know. Or maybe I was just in denial, because parents are suppose to be bullet proof, you never dream about losing someone you love. I always depended on her, now I was getting better financially, but I really depended on her to have that 'security' feeling. I knew that if my mom was there, she would do anything she could to protect me, no matter what. She always told me that if something happened to her, I was to take care of her Cairn Terrier, Toby, and to pay the house off with the life insurance. Well taking care of Toby is easy but since the house was in her name only, my step-dad and I lost the house. He lives in Falkville, AL and I bought a house in Hartselle, AL. I go there everyday, I just haven't been able to stay by myself at night. I don't have that 'security' feeling anymore. There is not a day that goes by that I don't tear up and cry. I feel completely empty inside, and no matter how many times, I talk about it or pray, I just don't feel any better. I lost my best friend!! Toby isn't over it either, if he hears her name or looks at a picture of her, he starts crying. No one can ever tell me that dogs don't grieve because they do, and for Toby, it's been seven months. I try to do everything that mom would do but I'm not her.

Songs that have been on repeat lately have been Never Forget You- Mariah Carey and Over You- Miranda Lambert

I think about everything that we were suppose to do; take a roadtrip to Montana, a couple of concerts including Trey Songz and Janet Jackson, go to another Alabama Football game..2012 was suppose to be 'our' year. We have had a rocky relationship in the past and we were working on making it better. Even the simple things I was looking forward to with her, such as looking at the Christmas lights in Huntsville and laying out by the pool during the summer. The one thing I was looking forward to the most was her becoming a grandmother when the time was right, and she was so excited about that.