I'm looking for some help or advice.

   I'm feel the guilt every day of the decision I was asked to make.

Thirteen years ago my wife and I ,already having a one year old son found out were going to have a little sister for him. After painting her room pink,picking out a perfect name,and telling all of our friends and family, our future was turned upside down. At almost five months pregnant,the doctors found serious problems with our unborn baby. Because of the severity of her problems, the doctors asked us to make the hardest decision any parents should never have to make. They said if she went to term,she wouldn't live very long, and she would be in constant pain. My wife had a very hard time even thinking about it. I felt I was on my own. 

 Lexis was born the next morning at two twenty two a.m. 

It all happened so fast, within twenty minutes of inducing my wife she was born. I couldn't handle the guilt and grief. Without saying a word I went out on the balcony. Standing on the edge,all I could picture was my son. I still wanted to end the pain. A nurse stopped me,and forced me back inside. My wife was in tears and my daughter lay on the table next to her covered with a pink flowered blanket. A little piece of my soul was ripped from me that day.

 We went on the best we could for the benefit of our son. A couple years later we had a daughter. We were sure we would make it. We never really delt with the grief. Now thirteen years later, our marriage is in trouble. My wife resents me for leaving her alone,I don't blame her. I feel the guilt of my decision every day, I'm always thinking,what if,what if the doctors were wrong. I hope someone can point us in the right direction so we won't become a statistic.