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Comment by Sue Waxman on February 17, 2013 at 10:36am

Dear Jess,

I came upon your blog today. Sundays are the worst days for me. So I come on here and share of grief. I don't have any family left. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful soul mate. How blessed you are to have experienced the love of such a wonderful man. Not everyone experiences that. My mother died June 26, 2011. The murderous bastard cancer took her too. She had throat cancer and suffered so horribly until her body gave in and she left this world. I know exactly what you are feeling. I watched the life leave her body. Her face go pale, her last breath. How blessed Daniel is to have you grieve so deeply for him. I never refer to the past tense because he is still yours - for always. He is just in another place. I have come to understand that we each have a journey to experience and when our time comes we will join those who have gone before us. It is just when and how. Cancer is created by evil. God saves us from the cancer by relieving us from suffering. Evil takes people in so many different ways. Daniel and my mother - Nancy, are no longer suffering. That is the only comfort I feel. My mother has come to visit me. One night at 3 am I was half asleep and she climbed in bed with me. She lefted to covers and I sia d "Mom is that you"? She did not say a word. I said "Mom cuddle me" and her arms were thin and she was in the body of a angel. She kissed me on the cheek and then floated out of the bed very slowly and was gone. I was crying and for weeks I felt drained. I believe God allowed her to come visit me. It was such a bitter sweet experience. She has also called and left me messages on my cell phone. "Sue it's Mom". My phone holds messages for 21 days and then they are automatically erased. Believe that Daniel is still "living" he has left this physical world for a place so greater. He is blessed. It is for those of us left behind that miss them and mourn them. I have 3 sisters who are the meanest most selfish people I know. I have no contact with them because it was to painful. They used me for years. My mother and I were to closet. Every single day I still cry for the loss of her physical self. I am so sorry Daniel got cancer. I just had a big pre-melanoma removed from my right hip. I honestly embrace death so I can be with my mom, grandmothers, grandfathers and other family I miss so much. When my time comes I will be ready. Until then I make every attempt at doing things that my mother is proud of me doing. When Mom died everything changed. I am so sad for you. I totally understand your pain. My husband of 20 years left me for a younger woman 4 years ago. I have no children. Try and take one hour at a time. Cry your eyes out until you can't cry anymore. God gave us the ability to cry for a reason. I will ask my mother to find your Daniel and put her loving arms around him. She will do it. Read about life after death. You will find some comfort in doing so. I am here for you. My direct e mail is swaxman@comcast.net