But it seems like a lifetime now that my Dad died a week ago.
Mom is living by herself. She says she wants to. We shall see. I tell her to cry whenever she can and let it out. I cry when I am not around her, trying to be strong for her.
Last night I was not strong when I realized I would not see my Dad walk into my house again or joke with my girls. They would not get to know Grandpa as the great Dad I had growing up and into adulthood. I am 34 and got to know him for those years. He was 85 and lived his life the way he wanted to.
He was a strong, quiet loving, opinionated man. He was a man's man. He grew up in the Depression and didn't have much at all as a kid, 2 pairs of pants thru high school he would joke. Didn't have the luxuries I had as a kid. He didn't hold any of that against me though. He provided for our family doing a job he loved a job that might have helped to kill him. He was a farmer and had Parkinson's Disease. Dr's don't know for sure, but they suspect many of the chemicals farmers used to use probably cause the nerve damage that many older farmers get in life down the line.
He also fought off esophagus cancer and prostrate cancer all in the last 11 years.
The final fight was shingles, the pain he was in was unbearable, the pain killers weren't doing enough for him and I think his body gave up on him. He was still there in spirit but we knew he wanted out. He couldn't fight this one. I told him to quit fighting for his own sake. He didn't need to hold on thru all the pain. I told him I wished I could take all the pain away. I told him that 10 days before he died.

He got to die at home with my Mom taking care of him til the end. He was in his own house that he worked hard for. His family was there the night before laughing and joking as we always do looking at all the pics that my mother and father have collected over the years. and the next morning when my mom was sleeping in the other room he passed. she had previously been sleeping with him since he was in such bad shape.
The look on his face was peaceful again, not stressed. The "frown" that we all inherited from him when we are angry or preturbed was gone from his face. I knew his was not in pain anymore.

but he will always be my hero and one of my best friends ever.