Finally my episode is over! Whew! Every time I go through these episodes I gotta wonder if I'll live through it. This was a bad one no doubt about it. The nightmares were horrible. The anger was fierce, and the sadness overwhelming. I'm not sure if I learned anything from this one because it's too soon, but I'm so glad to be somewhat back to normal. I haven't thrown a temper tantrum like that for a long time. Anything within my reach I threw. My bedroom was a mess, and my house was also a terrible mess. In the last 3 weeks I haven't cleaned anything! I have barely cooked, and on top of all of that I came down with a bad sinus infection, an infection in both ears, and a bad migraine on top of it. My therapist said that this was the angriest she's ever seen me. I was very angry. Mostly at my mother. I was talking to her on the phone, and she was telling me all about my sisters husband who had to have his foot cut off because of diabetes, and how ready she was to hop on a plane to go to her, and help her. I didn't say a word to her because I knew It would make my anger worse if I said anything. That hurt because she didn't come to help me bury Ben, and when Lil Del died she wasn't here for more than 24 hours. She was going on, and on about how much she has helped all of us. What a joke. Maybe she's been there for my brother, and sisters, but she sure hasnt' been there for me, and it makes me angry that she would say such things to me. That's when I threw the temper tantrum. I must admit that the tantrum felt pretty good after it was over! I feel pretty good now that all of this is over. Last night I slept all night after 3 weeks of no sleep. I'm going to the grocery store, and even though it will just be my husband and I, I'm going to cook a thanksgiving feast. I owe it too my husband who without his love and support I might not have made it through all of it as well as I did. Poor man. When I have the bad nightmares he suffers too, because he has to bring me around. I was also happy to be able to take a warm shower. I've been washing up with cold water. When the PTSD episodes happen water feels like fire on my body so I go without. I'm clean now YAY! I'm also glad that the bottle of Oil of Olay was plastic because I threw it up against the wall!  Good thing I don't do these things in front of people. They'd think I was crazy! Oh well it's over! I know these things will come, and go but I'm glad that once again I survived it!