I read a post on another site that made me think about something in a way that I forgot that I had already done with someone else.

When my husband died, I went to my therapist and among a few other questions, he asked me how I was doing.  I told him, of course, I was very upset, but I'd had a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage.  He seemed a bit concerned, which I know he was thinking I was idolizing.  But, I told him yes, my husband and I had our ups and downs.  We had times when things were NOT good and we had times when they were fantastic.  But in the end...the bad things didn't matter, because I CHOSE to let them go and be what they are...moments when we faltered, stressed, and forgot, for a moment, what was really important.  His spell of irrational anger was a hard time.  But it was really just a moment in time when his priorities had skewed.  He even said that much later.  But honestly, what do I choose to remember...his anger or his laughter.  The times he hurt my feelings or the times he built me up.  His mistakes or his victories!  I remember them all.  But in the end...what's really important is not the screw ups, but the love and what he really was to me.

Mom, it goes for you, too.  Yes, you screwed up a lot.  So have I.  So has every human being.  Things may have turned out differently if you had done differently, but that's a moot point now.  And...it's not important.

I have a choice to make.  Do I spend my time thinking about the times you said negative things to me, or do I think about the mother who was so sick she could barely lift her head and when I got sick, she came to me, still in her nightgown, and took care of me.  Do I choose to stay angry at you for making hard choices when you were afraid, that I wouldn't have done myself.  Or, do I let it go and let it become what it should be...something that really doesn't matter anymore. 

What I will hold to is your brilliance that I was so proud of, the time you took off of work and came to the senior talent show I was performing at, your smile, the way you always looked at Dad in exasperation when he would be silly, you standing in the kitchen making a salad, you're crazy idea to let six of my friends stay at the house prom night, the times you would be feeling sad and would ask me to sing to you when I was little...the way you drove me crazy making me type "properly", you taking so much time and effort to make my senior prom dress, when you would come out every single night when my oldest daughter was a baby and had colic and I was sobbing with her after 3 hours and you would take her and rock her and let me get a break...and you had work the next day -- every night.  Those are the things I choose to remember. 

And, yes, Mom.  I forgive you.  Now, fly free and don't think about it again.

I love you, Mom.

Thank you for everything you did for me!