On November 27, 2010, I lost my best friend. This past february 1st, would have been our 5th anniversary. February has always been a good month because of my birthday that I share with my sister and Valentine's Day. On february 1st, he entered my life. For over 4 years he has brought me joy, every february was our month. At the stroke of midnight, I always heard "happy anniversary baby" and since he lived on the east coast, I heard it again at 2am. Through out the day, we talked and talked and talked. We opened gifts at noon, our drink of choice was rum and coke, and at 9pm, the story of us was told. We recounted how we met and how we have grown. I floated through the month. I didn't hear Happy Anniversary on 2/1 but I hoped to hear his voice everytime the phone rang. I just wanted to crawl under a rock. I palnned my children's birthdays, this would be their first birthday's celebrating them without their mother ( who recently passed), so that was my motivation. Besides that, no joy was in me. Valentines Day was ok, till out of no where, I broke down crying and no matter how much I saved face in front of the children, I sat in my bathroom crying that night. I made it though that, but I still feel like I did in February. I'm functioning, going through therapy, still I have my days where I don't want to get out of bed, I'm angry, I just want him back, I want my best friend back.

Today is March 1st, and I'm ok right now. That's all I can say right now