Every day I smile

A smile I hide behind

My eyes conceal all that is within

The darkness around my heart consumes me

But when asked, I reply ' I'm fine'

My sense of loss, like a child looking for a hand to hold

My bitten fingernails

The feeling of falling when my feet are firmly on the ground

But when asked, I reply ' I'm fine'

The tension in my temples

The bubbling anger rising

The frustration of not being able to rid these feelings

The shortness of breath and increasing anxiety

But when asked, I reply ' I'm fine'

The tightening in my chest like a steel band crushing all beneath the surface

The weight pressing down on my shoulders

The pressure to perform

But when asked, I reply ' I'm fine'

The feeling like I'm chasing something I can not touch

The feeling of light burning out

Nothing has taste, nothing pleasures, I am numb

But when asked, I reply ' I'm fine'

This evil monster of black creeping up on me, clutching, clawing, feeding off my pain

Will it ever end? Will I be free? 

Will this dormant strength rise again?

Until then..... when asked, I will reply ' I'm fine'