Hi everyone,
I am trying to figure this out. I am new to this site, but not new to online support groups. They all seem to be a bit different.

I am reeling from the holidays and all the emotions I'm feeling. I lost my stepfather in July to cancer, which was diagnosed only two weeks before he passed. In hindsight, there were signs that we all missed to tip us off that something was wrong, but we just took his word that his cough was just his 'sinus crap'.

His death came so fast that it seems like a dream. And even though it's been 5 months, I feel that I haven't even begun to grieve. I have two children, ages 5 and 3, and they are devestated. They were both having a very hard time with losing Papa, so we had them see a therapist a few times just after and it seemed to help, especially my daughter who is 5 and was so close to her Papa. She had really been acting out at that time. She is better now, but still very sad and asking so many questions. Hard questions. My son seemed okay at first, but has recently started acting out and is obsessed with 'bad people' and 'going to Hades' and 'who goes to Hades and who goes to Heaven'. It is more than I can take. I have him back with the therapist and it's helping. They are both, of course, very scared that grandma, mommy, daddy or they are going to die and very afraid of nightmares, falling asleep, etc.

And then theres my mom. I spent the first two or three months getting all her affairs in order, and doing all the bills, etc. She is on track with that now, but it further delayed my grief. And I still worry so much about her. She is okay some days and a mess others. All of which is normal, but I still want to be available for her.

Add to that work, taking care of the kids, pre-school activities, and the holidays and I am a basket case! I am already on anti-depressants/anxiety meds for recovery from PTSD due to sexual abuse by my alcoholic dad for several years growing up. I don't know if I need to increase my meds or if I just need to get to work on my own grief stuff. I just don't know how or where to start!! HELP!

Sonny was my protector growing up, all my life, and I feel so lost and vulnerable without him.