5/9/15: I woke up extremely early today to drive to my sons tournament. I grabbed Nicks necklace from where I put it every night on his picture frame. Packed the car and continued on to our two hour drive. Half way through the trip my son asked me to stop to use the restroom. I stopped at as gas station and as I usually do I was playing with Nicks necklace around my neck as I thought about him. My son came out and we continued with the trip.

20 minutes later as I was driving I went to feel my necklace around my neck and I didn't feel it. It wasn't on my neck it was gone. I looked through my purse I didn't see it in there so I pulled over on the freeway. I began to panick. My first thought was that it had fallen off at the gas station my son, daughter and her friend woke up as they hear me frantically looking for the necklace. They ask what's wrong I began to cry and I said to them "Nicks necklace I can't find it, I lost it". They began to look through the car for the necklace.

At that point I felt exactly like the moment that I found out that Nick was gone. My body began to shake, I started crying uncontrollably, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was hyperventilating. I went around to the back of my car where the kids couldn't see me and I took off my sweater because I couldn't breathe. As soon as I took off my sweater the necklace feel out from my back. I had checked my hoodie, pockets, and unzipped the front but luckily it was stuck somewhere I couldn't see it.

I never thought I would feel exactly the same way I felt the day he left this earth. I wouldn't be able to stand losing a part of him. Something that belonged to him, that he wore everyday. When someone is no longer with us we hold on to things that help keep us sane. Their physical objects that once belonged to the people we love lets us continue to have a connection with them that we can no longer physically have with them.

I would never be able to forgive myself if I ever lost that necklace. Having that part of Nick that I can carry with me everyday is what has helped me get through the days.