Today is a down day. I am just feeling low and really missing mom.

 It's hard to go day to day without her. And then my mind starts in with:

1. she won't be there when i get married.

2. she won't be there when i become pregnant.

3. She won't be there when i have kids, to spoil and love them.

I hate knowing one day i will have kids and they wont know their awesome grandma personaly, all they will know is what me and my sister can tell them. Theey will never experience her awesome smile, or gentle hugs, her kisses and I love you's. I will have to tell them how happy mommy is to have them, but how sad she is to know grandma can't be there.

And all of this scares me because it will happen one day, i feel that when it does i wont be able to handle it. I am not only going to have to go through all of that, but i will have to watch it happen to my little sister too.

 How? How does a woman go through her younge life without her mother? let alone her only parent? family? How do you make the pain stop? I really just want it to stop.

I want the pain to stop, I want to stop feeling so EMPTY, I want her back, I want her to see the younge women she has raised and to see who and what we have become.