another school year is starting and when I lost Gabe in 2011 he was 15 so every school year would send me to bed crying for a couple of days. now the dates the cause profund sadness are holidays and his birthday and date of death. In the last 4 my 2 sisters have had 5 babies and love being grandmas. Gabes step dad has 2 daughters that Gabe adored and 1 has just had a baby. Gabes stepdad is over the moon and I am happy and profoundly sad. Gabe was my only child and his dad and I will never be grandparents.