It has now been almost 5 years since the unexpected death of my mother. I have been really down and am thinking about going on anti-depressants. I am nervous about this though...I just feel like I need her so much for the things I am going through and will need her in the future. I am the oldest of four kids and have spent the most time with her out of my siblings, but I feel like we were not close and I constantly wonder if we would have been now. I am now 25 years old and just feel lost without a motherly figure.