Dad as I sit here letting the tears fall hoping you really are watching over me in heaven, I realize how sad I am that you are no longer here on earth and that I'll never see or hear you again.

You were my hero are my hero daddy. You always had my back, answered any question I had, helped me learn how to dream, imagine, smile, laugh, talk, walk, etc.

I flew home to be by your side in the hospital because I love you so much. I didn't believe them when they said dad's dying, I firmly believed you were getting better. The doctors said you were. Then that nurse made you walk to the bathroom, I was there and saw you fall, I was so scared.

After that fall daddy, you werent there anymore, you were saying things that I know you would never have said, you were fading fast from this world. I called momma she came, then I called the girls daddy, they came, they all came, the kids, us girls, momma, and your son in laws we all were there by your side, you just never woke up.

I asked the doctors if there was any hope anything we could do to bring you back, and they took me and Justin to a room and showed us your images your lungs full of fluid, and we made the decision for you not to suffer anymore. Oh Im so sad over this, I failed you dad. I wish I could have known if there was more we could have done even though your wishes were not to go on a life saving defice and prolong your destiny.

All we could do was sit by your side until you met your maker dad.

I stayed with you seven days, never left you until you left this world. I fed you, I bathed you, I cherish those days, and I wsh so bad I could go back and ask you so many things I want to know, I want to remember, and yet I can't dad.

Your gone, I have lived each day in a false reality that your still alive, that your still back home in Arkansas, or at the hospital, I guess moving away helped me to not have these emotions come over me all at one time, I know with my emotional well being I need a little more time to face the reality of this than others may need, Im back on medicine and am working on this grief.

I wish you were still here or that I could go back and cherish the time with you even more and its something that for me is a raw sick feeling that im having to overcome alone now.

I love you daddy where ever you may be.