I was watching a bird yesterday.  He was on the pavement at a Bucky's store parking lot looking for scraps to eat.  

The poor thing had one leg up in his belly feathers, and was doing really well hopping around on

the one good leg.  I must have watched him for around ten minutes.

It struck me, this bird can fly away anytime, and be free of having only one useful leg. 

Then I thought about my grief, how it has attempted to disable me, depress me, and deprive me

of happiness in my life. 

Believe me, it has been doing quite the number on me!

I get scared about the health issues with grief, and that alone really makes me want to respond to

it in much healthier ways.

I thought of being the bird, just spreading my wings and flying away, being free of earthly needs.  

There is a part of us than can soar above our grief, even if it's just briefly.  And maybe with enough practice we can

make it last for days.   I have seen signs where there are parts of days that I'm so occupied with something, that I don't even think about grief.

It has to be that part of us that gave away so much of our love, so much of ourselves to whom we lost.  

We get caught up in missing and grieving over them, and at the same time, we may not be conscious that we are trying  to rediscover that other part we gave away.

I stop and ask myself, who was I  before I met my wife?  That person is still there.  I have to relearn

that part of me, and put that love towards myself and child, and learn to express it with balance and

the reality that my wife and mom can still feel my love for them.  Strictly a matter of re-learning life, while trying

to carry on with our broken hearts.  

Courage and determination and the realization that my grief is controlled by so much unconscious activity of

sadness, emotions, reliving the shock/trauma.

The truth is actually the truth that we react and are influenced in our adult lives by our subconscious/unconscious childhood experiences, emotions, and memories.  

So why should the grief  experience be so much different than all of our childhood experiences.   I agree that it's much worse than the growing years.  Grief is the monster under the bed!

The bad feelings during grief come from our grey area of consciousness, the unconscious side, the way we reacted to the trauma, the confusion and awful hurtfulness, all of the fear, and then the grief really set in on top of these. -

OHHhh God,  YIKES!!!!!!. 

By bridging over to the conscious healthier side with activities, planning my days,  setting goals, a daily journal, etc

I am keeping the lights on in the darkness.

I try to perceive grief as fear that I can control with just knowing and believing that I can control it.

It really sucks that this world has brought us to this chapter, but there are many, many turns and potholes on this road of life.

And at the same time, there are many stepping stones along the grief path we can find.

So I have come to this final conclusion!

It's faith and courage, the magic in believing, and good old fashion wholesome love for life, your life, our lives and family.

I am a big fan of comedy.  Laughter really is good medicine! 

Come to think of it, I'll bet I know why you never see a bird flying underneath another one!  FALLOUT!!!!

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”   --  Bill Cosby

Keep on loving folks, and find laughter in things, no matter how painful it is!

It has to be the only answer.

Love and smiles!
Michael